It hadn’t always been like this. Kurt remembered a time when his life was full of joy. His mom would turn on the radio and big band music would burst from the speakers. She’d grab his hand and spin him around the room, their chests bubbling with the laughter that filled the house. Interest piqued by the commotion, his father would stop at the doorway and watch, his own hearty laugh mixing with theirs. But that had been a long time ago. His mother had been dead for the past seven years and his father, well his father had been great, was the rock he always had been, but as Kurt grew older, it no longer became enough. An anchor could help you face a storm, but it couldn’t brighten the weather. And Kurt’s life only became bleaker as he grew older and grew further away from those days spent dancing and laughing with his mom.

Kurt’s fingers trembled as they clutched the handle to his suitcase. He chanced a glance up the building in front of him to read SHADY OAKS titled in bright, block letters above the glass doors. The name was sweet and breezy but turned sour on his tongue. Shady Oaks. One of Lima’s mental health facilities. Kurt’s stomach lurched at the idea. This was where he was going to be essentially locked away for the next six weeks. He could feel his father’s hand come down on his shoulder, a touch that was usually comforting, but now it only made him feel trapped. Kurt knew that he agreed to being admitted for a stay at Shady Oaks knew that it was for the best. But that didn’t lessen his natural instinct to run away.

The hand on his shoulder tightened, and he let out a shallow breath before continuing forward, pausing briefly before approaching the automated doors that slid open at his presence. He stepped inside, his suitcase full of essentials in tow, and was instantly greeted by the cool blast of air conditioning. His father was close behind him, as if his constant presence would make the transition easier. However, it only served as a constant reminder of how alone Kurt would be as soon as his dad left. On the inside, the building was very clean. The lobby was covered in all white tile with a white desk in front of white walls with a little receptionist in a crisp, white shirt that stood behind it. It made Kurt’s eyes hurt.

The receptionist gave them one of those over-bright smiles that just reads “I’ve been working here way too long” and explained paperwork and procedures to Kurt’s dad. Kurt felt awkward as he stood off to the side and clutching the rollaway. After his father had finished checking him in, the receptionist asked Kurt if he had any questions. The boy could have filled a book with all of the thoughts racing through his mind at that moment. What’s life like here? Am I going to be stuck living in my own personal One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest? Will I be receiving ample closet space? Yet, he kept his lips tight and gave the lady a curt nod. Some questions are better left unanswered, he thought.

“Well, I know you were given a brief overview of the goings-on here at Shady Oaks when you were looking at potential rehabilitation centers, Mr. Hummel, but I thought you might like to join Kurt on the grand tour?” The receptionist, whose name tag read Stacy, amped up her smile. Kurt thought if she tried to press it any further her face might actually break in two. It definitely couldn’t be good for wrinkles.

“You can just call me Burt,” his dad responded, “and that sounds perfect. I’d like to be sure of where my son’s staying for the next six weeks. Although I know if he had any complaints about his room he’d let the world know just what was wrong with it.” Burt let out a chuckle and sent a wink Kurt’s way. Kurt could feel the corners of his own mouth curl up of their own volition. His father understood him. But even more than that, his father accepted him. Although the pair had many differences, Burt always understood the way Kurt felt, and he loved him through everything. Even when Kurt chose to make crayon drawings of wedding gowns for his GI Joes instead of playing war with them. Even when he chose tea parties and sing-alongs over flag-football and little league baseball teams. Kurt couldn’t have asked for a better father. But walking down the stark white hallway with Stacy the receptionist, he felt as if he had let Burt down, a sickening notion that had been gnawing at his insides almost constantly as of late. The man had worked so hard to make their two contrasting lives cohesive, yet he couldn’t keep it together enough to not land himself in a mental hospital. Mental health facility, his inner bitch corrected.

The hallway gave way to a large, open room. A television screen flickered on the wall, and there were tables and chairs set up for potential game playing. Kurt had been expecting voluntary mutes pushing brooms around while tyrannical nurses tackled down patients, but the people milling about seemed normal. As a minor, Kurt was able to select from the youth facilities instead of being treated with the adults at one of Lima’s bigger centers. Kurt was relieved to see that the majority of the kids were in their teens, happily noting that he didn’t really stick out. In the past, Kurt had enjoyed his individuality, but here he just hoped to blend in, to go unnoticed. He spotted a girl his age curled up in an overstuffed armchair with a paperback open between her fingers, her lower lip caught between teeth you’d expect to find in a dentist’s wet dream, and short, blonde hair tucked behind her ears. Kurt couldn’t help but wonder what landed her a spot at Shady Oaks.

Stacy’s tour led them out of the recreation area and down a second hallway just as monotonous as the previous. Another path lead to a cafeteria and brightly lit “sharing room”. Stacy babbled on about that for a solid five minutes. Apparently, that was where both group and individual therapy took place. After passing a blue door that the nursing center was behind and one with a STAFF ONLY sign hanging from the doorknob, which she explained was for the administrative offices, they reached an end to the hall, the only option to go left or right at the intersecting passage. Kurt felt like he was in a fairytale, choosing between the red and the blue pill. In truth, the left was the designated boys’ dormitories and the right, the girls’. They were directed down the left, where they walked past the closed doors of occupied rooms. Further down the hall a single door stood open, and Burt and Kurt were beckoned into it. Clearly it was to be Kurt’s own bedroom for the duration of his stay.

Kurt hadn’t been expecting much, and not much did he receive. The walls were white and blank except for a window to the side, the view hidden underneath drab curtains. A twin-sized bed was set up on the wall farthest from the door with a thin looking blanket pulled tightly across it. The doors to the closet were pushed aside to reveal minimal storage space--a few shelves below a small hanger rack for socks and pants. There was no mirror. No desk. No phone. No way to communicate with the outside world. A shiver ran down Kurt’s body and left him chilled, nerves tightening their grip on his body, constricting his chest and making his breath shallow.

The thought of moving into this clinical, cold place frightened him. He didn’t socialize well with the kids at McKinley High. How was he supposed to get on for a month and a half with a bunch of unknown teens being treated at a mental facility? He missed his bedroom. His soft mattress dressed in the finest linens to be bought at discount price. He missed his best friends Rachel and Mercedes. The two girls knew what it was like to suffer at the hands of high school bullies, although not to Kurt’s extent. They talked about boys and musicals and how successful they’d be when they got out of the bumblefuck they lived in. But they never really noticed how much he was hurting. But Kurt didn’t hold it over them. He had thought that by not showing his pain, he was holding out on his aggressors. But it blew up in his face. So he would try the six weeks. If not for himself, then for his father. He would try anything for the man so willing to give up all that they had for Kurt’s own happiness. But it wasn’t just that. Kurt did care. He cared about his life and his friends and his dad. He was just so scared. Scared of going back to school. Scared of being taunted and ridiculed. Scared to live. Kurt felt like a moth flying too close to a flame. If he flew any closer, he’d catch fire and burn away, but if he moved away from the dancing heat he’d fall into the night’s darkness. So in limbo he stood, and for six weeks, in Shady Oaks he would live. Oh Great and Terrible Wizard, grant me courage.

-

They were briefly shown the boy’s bathroom at the end of the hall, where all male patients were expected to shower, brush their teeth, and go about all other hygienic activities. Kurt had shuddered at the thought of sharing a bathroom with his stepbrother-to-be, Finn; he wouldn’t even allow himself to dwell on what coexisting with a bunch of mental facility patients must be like.

As the grand tour came to a close, Stacy led Burt and Kurt back to the large room with the television. The blonde girl had stopped reading her book and was watching some show with very little interest, picking at her cuticles all the while. But now she was also accompanied by another patient. With thick black hair pulled up into a pony and a sarcastic edge in her voice, the new addition definitely pulled focus. Words poured out of her mouth and into the uninterested ears of the blonde, switching between English and Spanish as her tone grew more heated. Kurt was equal parts intimidated and impressed. It takes a special person to continue a rant full force when their only listener couldn’t care less. He knew first hand.

Kurt would have kept watching the two girls had it not been the end of their tour. He found himself following behind the adults as they returned Burt to the lobby. The time for his father to leave was upon them, and he could feel his heart trying to escape its cage. His body shook as strong arms encompassed him in a hug. Damp cheeks were wiped by both men as they said their goodbyes, Burt heartbroken and Kurt terrified. They hadn’t been apart for more than a weekend, and now they were supposed to spend a month and a half away from one another. Who will remind him to eat healthy? The thought was only the beginning to his inner voice’s downward spiral into despair. Who will grumble when I throw away the hidden junk food? Who will fight with me over the remote control? Who will tell me ‘I’m proud of you kiddo’? Who will care?

Luckily, his train of thought was derailed by a final clasp on his shoulder. “I love you, son,” Burt murmured with a shaky voice rough from tears. Kurt had never heard him like this. Not even when his mother passed. “Please never forget that. And be safe.”

“I will.” It was barely a whisper, but his dad understood. He’d do anything to return things to the way they had been, to the days filled with dancing and laughter. Guilt weighed heavily on Kurt’s heart. He’d caused his father so much heartache. After everything that had happened, it was the look of panic and concern in his dad’s eyes that had saved Kurt. That stopped him from just jumping off the hospital’s roof when he failed to overdose. The sight of the man he loved most broken and lost was something he couldn’t scrub from his mind no matter how hard he tried. Blinking through the blurred edges of medicated sleep, his dad, white as a sheet at the edge of the hospital bed, had been the first thing he had seen. And he had never hated himself more than in that moment. Kurt may have wished that he had never been born, never had the chance to step into a world so cruel and unforgiving, but more than that, he wished his father to be happy. And so Kurt said his goodbyes and let the tears roll down his cheeks as Burt finally left through the moving glass doors, leaving him alone with Stacy the receptionist in the too white lobby. Kurt couldn’t picture walking back through the building and settling into a new life here. Hell, he couldn’t even imagine trying to unpack all of the clothing and toiletries from his suitcase. For a moment he pondered the idea of camping out in the lobby with Stacy for the next six weeks. But he had made his father a promise, and it was a promise he was going to keep.

-

Slow footsteps carried him through the rooms and halls, the passing patients not even registering in his head while he followed the path back to his new living quarters. He no longer had his suitcase to ground him since he had left it in the empty room to be unpacked. As he neared the open door of his bedroom, the pattering of rapidly moving sneakers filled the hall. There was a brief moment when the runner rounded the corner and the two caught sight of one another. Kurt was pulled out of his trance as his blue eyes connected with large brown ones that opened further at Kurt’s presence. However, the moment ended as quickly as it started when the boy collided with Kurt, not noticing him in time to slow down. Kurt let out a squeal as he fell to the ground, the stranger’s weight pressing on top of him. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted by a shock of dark, curly hair that sat resting on top of his chest. Kurt had never seen hair that looked so soft. He wanted to reach out and touch, or at least ask the boy what product he used. After a beat, the mop moved, and Kurt was again greeted by eyes the color of caramel. But this time, they were filled with fear. Kurt tried to assure the boy everything was okay, that he was unharmed, but, before he could open his mouth, the curly haired stranger was on his feet and running off into one of the other dorms, wrenching open the door and slamming it quickly behind him.

Propped himself up on his elbows, Kurt sat for a moment in confusion. It was as if a tornado had just hit. The boy certainly moved like one, he thought, remembering how quickly they had toppled. He shook himself off and gave one last look in the direction of the closed door before entering his new room. Maybe when all of his belongings were unpacked it wouldn’t look so much like the cleared out room of the recently diseased. As he began to arrange his things around the room, Kurt let his mind drift back to the curly haired boy with the scared, brown eyes. Kurt had no idea what to expect of his six week stay at Shady Oaks, but in that moment he knew boring wasn’t on the agenda.