Monday, January 16, 2023

Kurt groaned as the too-loud chime of his alarm roused him from sleep. He batted at his nightstand until he found his phone, turned off the offending noise, and pushed himself up onto one elbow.

"Blaine? Blaine, babe, it's time to get up – we've got to be at the agency by 9:30."

"Mmmph," came Blaine's garbled reply.

Kurt sighed and sat all the way up, scrubbing his hands over his eyes. Months of meetings, months of paperwork, months of lawyers and caseworkers, months of waiting and waiting and waiting had all boiled down to this day. It felt less exhilarating and more terrifying than Kurt thought it should.

"Blaine," he said again, shaking his shoulder. "What if she doesn't like us?"

An easy smile slipped over Blaine's face as he rolled over on his back. "What's not to like?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep. "We're both gorgeous, charming individuals who –"

"We're gay, Blaine."

"Hey," Blaine said, grunting as he sat up and leaned against the headboard. "It's going to be okay. She picked us, remember? Off the website. She saw our picture and read our profile and she still wanted to meet with us. And Karen sounded really positive on the phone."

Kurt nodded. "There's just an awful lot of stuff that can go wrong."

"And there's one really, really big thing that can go right," Blaine insisted. "We're going to get a baby out of all of this."

"You're right," Kurt sighed. "Okay – I'm going to shower first, since it'll take me the entire time you're in the shower to decide what to wear."

"Use the lavender-rosemary aromatherapy shampoo," Blaine called as Kurt padded to the bathroom. "It'll help."

* * *

Half an hour later, Blaine exited the steamy bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He found Kurt standing in front of their closet, sliding coat hangers back and forth across the rack in a staccato rhythm.

"The lavender didn't help, I take it?" he asked, kissing Kurt's bare shoulder.

"No. I think maybe a Xanax might've fit the bill a little better," Kurt answered, glancing back over his shoulder. He sighed heavily. "I know I hardly ever ask you for fashion advice, but –"

"Definitely a suit," Blaine said thoughtfully. "Calvin Klein. Navy. White shirt –" he scrunched up his nose, contemplating Kurt's closet, "– purple tie, I think."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You just like my ass in those pants."

"Yeah, so?" he said, shrugging his shoulders. "It looks delicious in them. Not that it's doing too bad on its own..." He grinned, plucked the towel from Kurt's waist and gave one ass cheek a light smack.

"Hey!" Kurt cried, whirling around and grabbing the towel back. "God, sometimes I feel like you never matured past seventeen. You need to get dressed."

"And you," Blaine said, lightly tapping Kurt's nose with his forefinger, "need to lighten up a little."

"I can't," Kurt said, holding his hands up, palms open. The towel fell to the floor in a white fluffy heap. "We've been waiting so long for this, Blaine. It's been –"

"Eleven months and six days since we started the paperwork," Blaine finished for him. He pressed his forehead against Kurt's. "I know. I've counted, too. I want this just as badly as you do."

"I know you do," Kurt said softly. "It's just – this is our first chance at a baby, Blaine. What if we screw it up?"

"I really, really hope we don't," Blaine answered. "But, if we do – tonight, we'll gorge ourselves on takeout and chocolate ice cream and watch sad movies, and then tomorrow we'll pull ourselves together and start waiting again." He pulled back a few inches to kiss Kurt's forehead. "You know there's no one else I'd rather go through this particular brand of hell with, right?"

"Yeah," Kurt breathed. "Me either." Blaine kissed Kurt's forehead a second time and turned to his side of the closet, sliding coat hangers to one side to reach his suits. Kurt caught his arm. "Wear the gray Ralph Lauren. White shirt, navy bowtie with blue polka dots."

"Thank you darling," Blaine chimed, grinning fondly at Kurt. "I can always count on you to make me look pretty. I love you so much, you know that?"

Kurt preened as he slipped his suit pants over his hips.

* * *

Kurt and Blaine arrived at the adoption agency with fifteen minutes to spare.

"You've got all our documents, right?" Kurt asked for the umpteenth time, stopping Blaine on the sidewalk. "Birth certificates? State licenses? Proof of residence, proof of insurance, proof of –"

"Kurt, yes, it's all right here," Blaine assured him, patting the large black accordion folder clutched to his chest. "I don't even know if we need all this stuff today, honestly, I'm sure Karen has it all on file..."

"Well, it's always better to be safe than sorry," Kurt said decisively and opened the door. "Why do they always make these waiting rooms so aesthetically nauseating?" he muttered under his breath as Blaine took his hand. They took a seat on the mauve vinyl couch that faced the TV, which was playing a Discovery Health Channel feature about a 4-year-old girl with schizophrenia.

"Well, this is ... uplifting," Blaine murmured, blinking at the TV as the girl on the screen rocked back and forth with her head between her legs.

"Not what I wanted to see today," Kurt hissed. "Blaine, what if our kid has something like that? Or autism, or something? I don't know the names of any early intervention groups nearby ... Or what if it's really Siamese twins –"

"Isn't it conjoined?"

"Oh, whatever, or has claws for hands or something – what if that's why she doesn't want the baby and they just haven't had the heart to tell us yet? Oh god..."

"Hey," Blaine said firmly, grasping Kurt's hands in his. Kurt quieted instantly. "We deal. We've talked about this – we want a real baby, not a test tube baby. We take what comes, and we love it anyway."

Kurt breathed in through his nose, out through his mouth. "Yes."

"If our child needs early intervention, we'll figure it out. If it needs a prosthetic arm, we'll get one. People don't get to pick what kind of baby they're going to have, Kurt, and neither should we. Okay?"

Kurt nodded. "Of course," he said softly. "Of course, Blaine, I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out –"

"I know."

They sat, with Blaine's arm tucked around Kurt's shoulders, until Karen, their caseworker, finally stepped into the waiting room.

"Kurt! Blaine! So good to see the two of you this morning!" she said, smiling warmly. "You can come on back."

They followed her, stiff as inmates being led back to their jail cells, and she looked over her shoulder and laughed. "Guys, calm down. It's going to be okay," she said, ushering them into a conference room of sorts. "Abby and her mom and Micah are running a little bit late, so just make yourself at home – would either of you like a cup of coffee?"

"Yes, please," Kurt said, nodding vigorously. He could always breathe easier with something warm between his hands. He always figured it was because he associated coffee with Blaine.

"So now we wait. Again," Blaine said after Karen had breezed out of the room.

"That's all we seem to be doing lately," Kurt sighed, shrugging his coat off and plopping down in one of the rolling chairs pulled up to the round table.

"At least we get to wait together," Blaine said, spinning the chair around to face him, and pulling it close so that their knees were touching. "It could be worse."

* * *

Abby's heart hammered in her chest as she followed her mom and Karen down the hall. Micah walked beside her, clutching her hand in his, and she offered up a silent prayer of thanks to whoever was listening that she didn't have to do this alone.

She felt a flutter deep in her core and her hand drifted to her abdomen – it was only the third time she'd felt the baby move.

"I'm so excited for you to meet Kurt and Blaine – I think you're really going to like them," Karen was saying.

"They seemed cool from the profile thing we read," Micah said, smiling at Abby encouragingly. "And they're not too old."

Abby's mom laughed hard, like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard, and Abby tried not to roll her eyes. Micah was being serious – they didn't want some 40-something couple raising their kid, landing themselves in a nursing home before the kid even got to college.

"No, they're not," Karen agreed with a smile. "And if they seem a little jumpy – be patient with them. They're probably more nervous than you guys are, okay?" She stopped at a door on their left, opened it, and poked her head inside. "They're here," Abby heard her say.

Abby's breathing quickened and she held Micah's hand tighter. Karen and her mom went in first and she and Micah followed, and there stood the two men from the agency website. Kurt and Blaine, she reminded herself, and stepped forward, finally letting go of Micah's hand.

"Kurt, Blaine?" Karen said, placing her arm around Abby's shoulders. "This is Abby Roberts, and this," she said, gesturing behind her, "is Micah Spencer. Abby brought her mom, Holly, with her as well."

The shorter of the two men stepped forward, a grin spreading across his face. He was seriously cute, even cuter in person than in the picture from the website. She tried to force down her blush – he didn't play for her team, Micah was standing right there, and besides all that, he was way too old for her. Still, it was hard not to stare.

"Hi Abby, I'm Blaine," he said, shaking her hand. His warm hazel eyes met hers and she melted a little. "Thank you so, so much for meeting with us today."

"It's no problem," she said, feeling shy all of a sudden.

The other man, Kurt, she reminded herself again, stepped toward her with his hand outstretched. "Kurt Anderson-Hummel. It's a pleasure to meet you, Abby," he said.

"You're the designer, right? At Marc Jacobs?" she asked, the words flying out of her mouth before she could stop them. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't freak out, wouldn't make an idiot of herself in front of him, but Marc Jacobs. She'd just have to cut herself a little slack.

"In the flesh," he smiled.

"Oh my god that's like the coolest thing, I cannot believe I am meeting a real fashion designer –" she gushed, then clapped a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry. Apparently the baby has taken away my filter. Oh my god..."

He just laughed. "It's okay. But I promise, I'm not nearly as exciting as you might be thinking I am."

Yeah right, she thought, remembering the first time she ever saw a Marc Jacobs piece. She was eight and it was her parents' tenth wedding anniversary. Her dad brought out a big, big box with a giant red bow on it and her mom squealed like Abby had never heard before when she opened it, lifting out the blue dress with the shimmers that matched her mom's eyes.

"Marc Jacobs," her mom had said in a breathy voice, and when her parents kissed, long and slow like in the movies she wasn't supposed to watch, she decided that whoever Marc Jacobs was, he must be magic.

Abby looked up at Kurt, the twinkle in his own gray-blue eyes catching her attention. "What department do you work in?" she asked.

"Mens' Ready to Wear," he answered.

"Do you – have you met Marc Jacobs?"

Kurt laughed. "I know him pretty well, actually. I'm one of the higher up in-house designers under him, so I work with him a lot. He's a nice guy."

Abby stared at him. "That is – that's –"

"It's not nearly as cool as it sounds. Don't get me wrong – it's a great job, I love it, but it's not all glamour. Long hours, hard work, crazy models ... it has its downsides, too," Kurt was saying just as Karen cleared her throat.

"Okay guys, ready to get started? There's no paperwork right now – we're just here to talk."

They all took seats around the table, and Abby couldn't keep from smiling at the way that Kurt and Blaine's hands so easily and immediately found each other.

"So Abby, I know you and Micah have read Kurt and Blaine's profile, and we've sent them the information about the two of you. But I'd like to open the floor for kind of a question and answer session between the four of you before we start talking about what adoption might look like to all of you, just so you can get to know each other a little better. Does that sound alright? Mrs. Roberts, you can chime in at any point too, okay?" Karen said.

They all nodded, and Abby spoke up first. "I know this is going to sound rude as the first question I ask, but I noticed that Blaine's a writer – does that, um – god, this sounds terrible, but do you make any money doing that?" she asked, her cheeks flushing bright red.

"That," Blaine answered with a warm smile, "is an entirely valid question. It didn't start out paying anything at all, which is why I worked as a waiter for four years after we graduated college. But my first published novel did really well – I still don't know how – and my second novel is actually hitting stores next week. So I get advances and royalties from the books."

"And the trust," Kurt said quietly.

"Kurt..." Blaine said, a pained expression clouding his previously happy face.

"No, Blaine, it's important." He turned to Abby and Micah. "Blaine's aunt died several years ago and left her entire inheritance to Blaine. It helps provide for us when his book royalties aren't coming in as heavily."

Blaine looked uncomfortable, and Abby felt bad for ever asking the question.

"I'm sorry –" she started, but Blaine shook his head.

"No. Don't worry about it, Abby – you're supposed to ask questions like that, it's your baby," he assured her.

"What about your families?" Micah asked, shifting in his chair. "Are they okay with you adopting a kid?"

"My family is thrilled," Kurt answered with a smile. "My dad and I are really close, and he's won't stop talking about having a grandbaby to spoil – he's already decided that he wants the baby to call him Pop-pop," he laughed. "My step-mom's excited too – she's a nurse, so I'm sure she'll be a huge help."

Micah cocked his head to the side. "What about your real mom?"

"She died when I was eight," Kurt answered.

"Oh, sorry man, I didn't know ..." Micah said, awkwardly rubbing his fingers through his messy, dark hair.

"Micah, it's fine. You couldn't have known. It was so long ago – I still miss her; I still remember her, but she hasn't been part of my life for years," he explained. "I think of Carole and Finn, my stepmom and stepbrother, as my family now. We're really close."

"That's awesome. I wish I was close with my family," Micah said, and Abby felt her mom reach around her back to squeeze his shoulder. It hadn't been easy – Micah's parents had all but stopped speaking to him after they found out about the baby.

"Me too," Blaine said, looking at Micah sympathetically. "My parents – they never actually disowned me, but we haven't spoken in three years. They don't approve of my 'lifestyle choices,' and they still refer to Kurt as my roommate. We've been married for six years now, together for thirteen. They didn't even come to our wedding," he said sadly. "They probably won't be involved in the baby's life. They don't even know we're trying to adopt."

"That must be hard," Abby's mom said quietly.

Blaine shrugged. "It is what it is. We're used to it by now. And Kurt's family has been more like a family to me than mine ever was."

"Does your family live here, Kurt?" Abby asked.

"No, we're both from Ohio," he answered.

"So – would you put the baby in daycare while you're at work?"

"We've talked about that a lot, actually," Blaine answered. "Our schedules are really flexible – I set all my own hours. Kurt doesn't have quite that much flexibility, but the studio is good about working with you as long as the work gets done. Fashion week, which happens twice a year, is always crazy, and so far both of my books have had U.S. tours, but I can always opt out of doing those. So essentially, one of us will always be able to be home. And there's always the option of a vacation to Ohio to visit the grandparents every now and then – Kurt's parents are more than willing to help."

"We've also talked about Montessori school, which starts as early as two years," Kurt added. "We wouldn't use it for daycare, but we love the concept of that type of learning environment."

Abby's eyes lit up. "Oh my gosh, are you serious?" The more she got to know these men, the more she liked them.

"Abby went to Montessori school when she was younger," Holly explained with a smile. "She and Micah are very creative. That's one of the reasons they loved the two of you so much – they want their baby to grow up in a house full of books and the freedom to express itself in whatever way it wants to."

"I don't think self-expression will present a problem in our household," Kurt said with a grin.

"What'll you do if the baby's a boy? What if he really likes football or something?" Micah asked, and Abby had to hold in a giggle. She smiled at him, ruffling his hair.

"I like football," Blaine said. "I'm a Buckeyes fan – so is Kurt's dad."

"And I," Kurt boasted, "kicked the winning field goal for our high school football team."

"In one game," Blaine gently teased, nudging his shoulder.

"No way," Micah said, clearly surprised.

"Oh yes, and, more impressively, I taught the entire football team Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' dance." Kurt paused. "Please tell me I'm not so old that you've never heard that song before..."

Abby laughed. "No, I've heard it – Mom was a big Beyonce fan back in the day. But I think I was probably – what, Mom, I was little."

"I think it came out when you were a year old," Holly told her, and Kurt and Blaine both groaned and planted their faces in their hands.

Karen laughed. "Just wait till you're my age, guys. Once you hit 50, it gets really fun." She smiled at them and then addressed the table. "Do we all feel like we know each other a little better now? Does anybody have anymore questions?"

"I have one," Holly spoke up. "Our family is very, very supportive of the LGBT community. We wouldn't be here with you today if we weren't – I think you'll both be fine parents. But not everybody feels that way. Have you talked about how you'll deal people who question your ability as parents? Or how you'll handle bullying at school if kids make fun of the child for having two dads?"

Kurt let out a heavy sigh. "I think it really depends on the situation – Blaine and I were both victims of bullying, particularly in high school. Blaine ended up in the hospital once, and like he's said, we've dealt with his parents' refusal to accept us for years now. Eventually you have to stop caring what other people think and do what's best for you and the people you love."

Abby cocked her head, contemplating Kurt's words. Even after reading their profile and all their information from the packet Karen had sent, she'd never considered what the world might look like from their point of view.

"That being said, though," Blaine continued, "if a situation comes up where our child is directly involved, we'll tell him or her to come straight to us or straight to a teacher. We plan to meet with teachers before school starts each year to try and get a feel of what type of action they'll take against bullying. We'll also teach our child to remind other kids that not all families look the same, that lots of families have just one mom, some kids live with their grandparents, things like that."

Kurt looked up nervously, and Abby could tell that he was trying to gauge her mom's reaction. "Don't worry, Kurt, it's not a test. But if it was, I think you passed," she said. She looked at Karen. "I like them." Out of the corner of her eye, Abby could see relieved smiles on both Kurt's and Blaine's faces.

"Okay, great!" Karen looked at her watch. "We've just got a few minutes left, but we still need to talk about what you each want this adoption to look like. Abby, Micah? Why don't you guys go first?"

Abby nodded. "Well – okay, first of all, I really – I don't want to be here. Well – I do, but I don't –" She blinked, feeling the tears come to her eyes, and Karen handed her a tissue. She relaxed a little when her mom's hand came to rest on the small of her back. "This isn't how things were supposed to go," she continued, wiping her eyes. Black streaks of mascara came off on the tissue, and she wished she'd worn waterproof. "I – I'm going to Columbia in the fall. I'm smart, I make good grades, I don't sleep around – I wasn't supposed to get pregnant, this wasn't supposed to happen." She sniffled. "Micah's waiting to hear from Harvard, which is his top pick – his parents are Catholic, and they're so mad about the whole thing. I didn't want to ruin his life ..."

She felt her chin being lifted and found herself staring into Micah's big, clear blue eyes. "Hey," he said softly, "Nobody's ruining anybody else's life here. That's why we're doing this. Our baby gets a good home and a good life, and we get to go on to school and make lives for ourselves. My parents will get over it eventually. Okay?"

Abby nodded, happy to bury her face in Micah's shoulder as he put his arm around her. "We want an open adoption," he continued for her. "Obviously we're not exactly in a good position to put all our plans on hold – Abby has a full ride to Columbia and I'm waiting to hear back from my scholarship at Harvard, like she said. It's not that we don't understand that our decisions have consequences – we just can't raise a baby right now. But we still want to be part of its life, you know?"

Kurt and Blaine nodded. "You seem like smart kids," Blaine said softly. "You're making good decisions, for you and your baby. I think adoption is the most selfless thing that anybody can decide to do."

"Are you and Kurt interested in an open adoption?" Karen asked.

"We'd actually prefer it," Kurt said. "There are going to be questions – do I have a Mommy, where is she, why do I have two Daddies – and we want to be able to answer those questions as thoroughly as possible. We're open to being very flexible with the agreement."

Abby's tears began to subside. "Is it too much to ask to be able to see the baby sometimes?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Blaine shook his head. "Not at all. We were thinking maybe give us two or three months or so at first, just to adjust – we'd be more than happy to send you pictures and videos and emails and everything during that time – and then we'll go from there?"

She nodded rapidly – it was more than she ever expected. "Yes. Yeah, that would be awesome," she said. "I just – I want the baby to know that I wanted it. And that I love it."

"Of course," Kurt said. "You know, we had a friend in high school – Quinn – she got pregnant when she was sixteen and placed her baby for adoption. It was so, so hard on her. And I'm not saying it won't be hard for you, but we want to make it as easy as we can."

"Thank you," she sniffled, even though nothing about this was easy. "You – you'll love my baby, right? Like it's your own kid? You'll take it to piano lessons and have cookies in the afternoon after school and make sure homework's done and – will you sing it lullabies at night? And read bedtime stories?" Abby tearfully listed off all the things she wished she could do, all the things she knew she'd miss the most.

"I promise," Blaine said gently, "that we will love this baby more than anything in the entire world. We want a child so badly, Abby – I promise, it will never, ever, ever not be loved. I – I know what it's like for your parents not to love you or accept you. That will never happen to this baby."

Abby nodded, her eyes clenched tightly shut, as if that would somehow keep the tears inside. Micah's arms slid around her waist and she buried her head in his shoulder again for a moment, allowing him to soothe her.

"I got mascara on your shirt," she sniffed, swiping at it with her hand. The mascara, of course, stayed.

Micah shrugged. "Not the first time it's happened. I'm sure it won't be the last either. It's ok – it comes out in the wash."

She smiled, so glad to have this sweet boy in her life, then looked over at Karen. "Okay," she said with a huge sigh, trying to calm down. "I don't know if this is an acceptable thing to do, and I know we haven't talked about it yet, but I want Kurt and Blaine to be involved with the pregnancy if they want to. Like, come for ultrasounds and stuff. Is that legal?"

"They can be as involved or not involved as you want them to be," Karen explained. "It's completely up to you – and them."

She looked at Kurt and Blaine, dabbing at her eyes. "I have an appointment in a week and a half – we'll find out if the baby's a boy or a girl," she said. "Would you like to come to that?"

They stared at her. "You mean – wait. So. You've – decided already? That we – that you want us to adopt your baby?" Kurt stammered.

"We'd pretty much decided already," Micah admitted. "We just wanted to meet you, just to make sure."

"And you don't need to talk about it any more?" Blaine asked hesitantly.

Abby looked at Micah and shook her head just slightly. "No, I don't think we do."

"Now, you can't sign any papers until after the birth occurs – you're aware of that, right?" Karen asked Abby.

"Yes – but is this okay? To choose this early?" Abby asked, getting nervous.

"Abby, this decision is yours and Micah's to make. If you feel that Kurt and Blaine would make good parents for your child, then it's absolutely okay. It's just that nothing can be legally binding until after the baby is born."

"Okay, good." Abby looked at Kurt and Blaine. "So," she said, her voice still shaky. "Do you want to be my baby's parents?"

They both nodded their heads vigorously and she could see tears gathering in their eyes. "Yes," Kurt whispered. "Yes, we do – we –"

"Thank you so much," Blaine said, his voice thick. "You don't even understand –"

Before she could stop herself, she rose from her chair and walked around to the other side of the table. Kurt and Blaine stood to meet her, and she threw her arms around both of them at once, the tears threatening to spill over again.

"I'm sorry, god, I don't mean to be so emotional," she said, wiping her eyes again.

"Join the crowd," Kurt said, dabbing at his eyes with his own tissue that he'd grabbed.

"Okay. Wow," she said, taking a deep breath. "This is – wow." She laughed, patting her tiny belly. "So, I just have one more condition."

"What's that?" Blaine asked, looking suddenly nervous.

"Well two, actually. You have to give the baby a fantastic name, and it is only allowed to wear fabulous clothes. All the time. I know about Marc Jacobs' baby line," she said, eyeing Kurt.

He burst into laughter, another tear leaking out of the corner of one eye, and buried his face in Blaine's shoulder.

"Thank you," Blaine repeated. "Abby, you have no idea –"

"We do, actually," Micah said, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "You guys are doing just as much for us."

"Well, I think that about wraps things up for today," Karen said. Abby could hear the smile in her voice. "We'll set up another meeting closer to the time of delivery to draw up papers for the open adoption agreement, but until then, any contact you make is up to you, alright?"

Abby felt lighter than she had in weeks. She gave Kurt and Blaine one more hug goodbye and she and Micah walked out hand-in-hand. She felt her mom's arms slide around both of them as they reached the sidewalk.

"Well, Mom – what do you think?" she asked.

"I'm so happy for you, sweetheart. I think they'll be great parents."

"I'm kind of glad they're gay," she said softly.

"Why's that?"

She paused. "I'll still be the baby's only mom. I won't have to compete with anybody. Does that make me a bad person?"

Micah squeezed her hand, and her mom shook her head. "No, sweetheart," she said, "I don't think that makes you a bad person at all. I think that makes you human."