The november wind bit in Blaine's face as soon as he set foot on the street. He wrapped the knitted scarf tightly around his neck as he walked to the closest crosswalk. Once on the other side he dared a side glance to the caf� window and saw how Kurt was standing up and reaching for his bag. Blaine focused on the road ahead.
It wasn't until he got to the next block he realized the apartment was in the other direction. Before he could make decision whether to turn around or not, his phone rang and he turned in to an emptier and smaller street.
“Hello?” he said, not having checked the name on the screen.
“Hi, Blainers!” It was Fiona. “I just wanted to thank you so much for last night. I haven't had that much fun in weeks. How's the hangover going?”
Needless to say, the fun part of last night seemed far off and about as enjoyable as a memory of the taste of chocolate before having an allergic reaction to the nuts in it. Basically, a mistake.
“It's... pretty bad,” Blaine said. “How are you?”
“Oh, I'm one of those annoying people who don't get hungover. Just a ridiculous craving for milk... Are you out? I was afraid that I would wake you up or something.” She sounded so chipper, a state of mind so far removed from Blaine's that it was a little surreal. And yes, a little annoying.
“Um, yes, no, I'm out. I just had breakfast with Kurt and...” Blaine sighed. He honestly did not want to talk about it.
“Oh. So how about that we go to the zoo?” Fiona asked seriously and Blaine let out a short chuckle.
“The zoo?”
“Yes. I haven't been in ages and I want to see the new monkeys. Or does that interfere with your day after drinking slash boyfriend sulking plans?”
“How did you-”
“Oh please, Blaine. Considering the look on his face yesterday and the sound of your voice today, I'm taking it that this breakfast you're speaking of wasn't completely satisfactory and I don't mean stale bread. Unless last night ended in angry make up sex and now you're just to tired to string two words together. But hm, no, then you wouldn't be meeting Kurt for breakfast... Oh my god, did he leave the apartment for the night?!”
Blaine didn't see the point in trying to lie, and he was a little impressed by her ability to come to conclusions like these with minimal evidence. And a little bitter over the lack of make up sex.
“Yes, something like that. Look, Fiona, as much as I enjoyed your company last night I really don't think I'm socially competent today.”
“Are you sure? I have a killer receipt on a hangover smoothie and a foot bath if you're into that sort of thing.” Blaine smiled.
“Thanks, but I think I need to be alone today. I have some things to work out and errands to run.”
“Okay sure, I understand. Give me a call if you change your mind though. I might be immune but I'm not immortal – I'm skipping my monthly skinny-dipping today.”
“Okay, Fiona, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow, right?”
“Mhm. Oh, and Blaine? I'm not in love with you so don't worry about that.”
Blaine stopped in the middle of a step.
“I-”
“Sh. I know I haven't had the best of luck when it comes to love, but falling for my gay friend? Gee, what a clich�. I would have thought Kurt had a little bit more imagination than that.” Before Blaine's brain could come up with an answer to this Fiona continued her goodbyes as this had been a comment about the weather. “So I'll see you tomorrow. Don't catch a cold and try not to dwell too much. It will all work out for the best, okay?”
“...okay,” was all Blaine could muster. It seemed that he had left his words at that table at Rosemary's.
“Splendid. Bye, Blaine.”
“Good bye, Fiona. Eh. Thanks.” Yes, he was being extremely awkward but there were too many excuses for him to really care.
She hummed softly as she hung up and Blaine slid the phone down in his pocket with a slightly bewildered frown. Her sixth sense was getting a little creepy. However, it was a relief that she didn't have those kind of feelings towards him. Partly because of the obvious complications and partly because that would be another relationship in which he would no longer know on which foot to stand – how honest was the truth anyway?
Blaine continued down the side street, without thinking about where his feet took him until he crossed a corner and was overlooking a square with a fountain. This had been his, Kurt's and Rachel's meeting point when they were living together. They'd gather here after a day of work, school, auditions or rehearsal and either take a walk or have an ice cream on one of the benches or... oh.
Behind the fountain was a bright neon sign, signaling the existence of what used to be their favorite club. If Blaine remembers correctly, it was the very first one they'd visited after Kurt's 21th birthday. (It wasn't actually on his birthday because Blaine had thrown him a surprise party that lasted until breakfast.) And Kurt had taken a particular liking to it due to the combination of a fashionista bartender who set the price on his drinks according to her agreement on different items of his outfit, and the fact that home was either within a wobbly walking, fuck my feet hurt-distance, or a less subtle than you'd think groping session-cab ride.
Blaine passed over the square and tried, really tried, not to have feel the cold puffs of air and tiny icy drops from the fountain as bitterness or sorrow. But... every problem from back then was either forgotten or resolved. Any pain had been made up for by a thousand kisses and appeared small or even endearing by now. Of course it was in the shadow of recent events but there was no denying that life had been good to them, and Kurt had been so very, very good to Blaine.
Blaine kept walking, told himself to keep going until his thoughts settled. Only, for every street he walked on there was a memory linked to Kurt. If he did it on purpose it was his masochistic subconscious leading the way, but it was probably because New York was their city, constantly discovering new things and together.
But even if Blaine hadn't walked past their favorite italian restaurant, the store where Kurt used to work as a personal shopper, the graffiti that looked like Sue Sylvester, or the hotel they'd spent the night in after accidentally locking their keys in their apartment, even then a quick look up any street would have reminded Blaine of Kurt. Because it was along those that they had been able to walk hand in hand, without getting slurs whispered in their ears or funny looks.
Kurt had never been one for public displays of affection. Back in Ohio a slight lean towards Blaine or a quick squeeze of hands were daily and comforting, and even though sometimes the urge to pull Kurt in for a kiss was overwhelming, Blaine had never felt anything short of blessed to simply have Kurt by his side. It wasn't until they got to New York and Blaine dared to steal a kiss from Kurt's lips in the middle of 5th avenue before heading in the opposite directions and without as much as a hint of a raised eyebrow from the people around, that Blaine realized how absolutely outrageous it was to have to live in a town where you not only feared and were careful of your own feelings, but also accepted to have your love locked up and behind closed doors.
Besides, Blaine will never forget the look on Kurt's face when they parted and his eyes darted between Blaine's lips and the crowd of people in front of Empire State Building. First a little frantic and panicked, but then this air of relief and peace settled over his features, as if leaving something heavy behind. It was one of those moments in which Kurt never would understand how beautiful he was or how the slight curl of his parted lips made Blaine fall even more in love with him.
“I'll see you at home,” Kurt had said eerily and Blaine had turned around and thought that yes, this is home, this is the place that we've been dreaming of. A place that lets me love you in all the ways I want to.

A number of people through the years had asked them how come they didn't just get married already. Noah Puckerman had actually been the first one to point this out. Although, come to think of it, the sentiment had more been like “you guys are already as married as it gets, why go to New York?!” and then Finn had chimed in with a “yeah, it's not like anybody's pregnant. Right?”
But getting married had never been the reason for them moving, even though the fact that they could certainly was part of it. Also, Puck had been right in a way. They were already so involved and committed that they never felt the need of rushing it, confident that the rest of their lives already laid at their feet. At least that had been Blaine's feeling and he was quite sure that Kurt had felt the same way. That day would come, just like all the others.
And Blaine had thought about proposing, real and proper, when they had enough money to afford Kurt's idea of a dream wedding. They'd never spoken of it in detail but once, at a wedding where the bridesmaids's dresses looked home-sown and badly shrunken, Kurt had let it slip that when he got married he wanted to dress all the guests in vintage Chanel and Dior, because really.
And now. Now the future was so uncertain it almost made Blaine feel embarrassed for being so na�ve, thinking that things never would change.
Had he been taking their love for granted? Taken Kurt for granted?
No. Blaine was aware of how lucky he had been, to have fond true love so young, when he had needed it the most. To have your best friend turn out to be your soulmate was not something that Blaine ever had taken for granted. But it had become his everyday life. Kurt had been in his entire adulthood, there had never been any other candidates for the position of Love of Blaine Anderson's life.
So it wasn't that their relationship was simply for the sake of it. Even though Blaine couldn't see himself with anyone else that Kurt, it wasn't because it was all he knew, it was because he still was so desperately madly in love with him.

Blaine walked all the way up to Times Square. It wasn't a place where he came very often. Tourists were pretty much standing on top of each other and taxis were honking like it made a difference. But he climbed to the top of the red stairs in the middle and tried to see what everyone else saw – the iconic view of New York City. Billboards and bright neon advertisements and yellow cars and 30 seconds away from Broadway. To all these people taking pictures and excitingly listening to the big city sounds of sirens and stomping feet, this was an idea of what freedom was, what they'd seen in the movies a thousand times.
But to Blaine the ads reminded him of how he and Kurt had bought their king size bed after being haunted by a commercial for it and having the jingle stuck in the heads for two weeks. The cabs were just means of transportation, leading him to or away or with Kurt. And Broadway was the monthly treat and now even available from a backstage perspective. This was home to Blaine.
But the thought hit him like a brick falling from the eleventh floor – home meant Kurt, and if he couldn't have Kurt, he probably couldn't have New York either.
&
It was one of those times in life where every emotion was felt so strongly, when it felt like you are at a crossroad and have no idea where the different directions will lead you.
Blaine could be sure about one thing though – he and Kurt would never be the same again. Either they would come out of this empowered, or they would part. There was no turning back now.
Blaine walked on shaky legs to the nearest subway and felt tears burn behind his eyelids when he sat down next to a man with two small children. His state of sleep deprivation, hangover and anxiety had made him weak to the bone all of the sudden.
He had been walking for a couple of hours but it wasn't until then it struck him how exhausted he was, and every impression resonated in his mind. Even the annoying sound of the train doors closing was nostalgic like an old song.
By the time it was time to get off he was trying to breath deeply and just focusing on the physical task of standing up and walking up the stairs to the street. His legs were unresilient and the front door to the building was twice as heavy than usual.
When he finally was within his own walls the silence rung in his ears and it would have been all kinds of uncomfortable if he had stayed awake long enough to listen to it. But as it was he walked straight into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, falling asleep almost immediately with part of the quilt over his legs. The body had come to rescue the mind.
&
Blaine woke up in slow motion.
The room was quite cold but that wasn't what had woken him.
On the contrary, it was the warmth next to him, the hot puffs of air over his ear and a wet kind of pressure along his cheekbone.
More asleep that awake, and reacting on instinct towards the presence of Kurt, he sighed contently and nuzzled down into the mattress. Slowly, as Kurt's soft kisses moved to his ear and neck, he began coming back to reality.
Blaine half opened his eyes and the light in the room was dim and surreal like fog. His head was resting to the right and Kurt was on his left, having placed his hand over Blaine's chest and moving his fingers lightly over his collarbone through the fabric of his shirt.
It took another couple of seconds for Blaine to understand what was strange about this, because Kurt's lips on his skin was seldom an unwanted thing but this felt off. Then of course he remembered, so vividly it made his heart jump and his head turn to the left side, Kurt's hair tickling his chin. He cleared his throat, quietly but enough to make Kurt aware that he was awake.
Kurt buried his nose in the nape of Blaine's neck and sighed heavily.
Blaine lifted his right hand to pet the back of Kurt's head and neck, the soft hair long enough to stick out between Blaine's fingers. He let his eyes shut again and just feel the air of Kurt's breath on his shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Blaine forced himself to ask, forced word onto this abstract bliss.
For a while Kurt showed no signs of having paid attention to the question, his breathing just got a bit shorter until he traced the tip of his nose along the muscle up to behind Blaine's ear again.
“I want you,” he whispered and dragged his bottom lip against Blaine's jaw.
Something in Blaine's stomach shivered involuntarily and added to his confusion.
“Kurt...” he said and tried to sit up a little, tried to continue with 'do you really think this is a good idea?' and 'we should talk because that's where we need practice', but he never got that far because Kurt was now humming actual music in his ear.
It wasn't only the air of Kurt's breaths that made his spine tingle, it was also the vibrations of his melody. And then came the words.
“Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are”
Kurt sang so softly that if it hadn't been for the brilliance in his voice it might have been muddled or unclear, but every word struck like a chord in Blaine.
“I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart”
Kurt wasn't performing. He was singing with his lips next to Blaine's skin, voice wavering a little and changing the rhythm and dragging the bars to swallow and pronounce the next word.
“Tell me your secrets
Ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start”
Blaine's heart was fluttering hard now and he felt happy and sad at the same time. Maybe this meant that Kurt had understood. But Blaine didn't think in so many words, it's was all breathing in to the moment, and feeling Kurt vibrating through his pores, through sound and touch.
“Running in circles...”
Kurt stopped for a moment, and then just hummed the melody. Perhaps he had forgotten the words. Perhaps he just wanted to kiss down Blaine's throat. Blaine felt Kurt's eyelashes sweeping down his skin as he came to the chorus and Blaine slid his hand down to Kurt's elbow, squeezing it a little.
“Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part”
Kurt's voice was perfectly calm, and he was now resting his head on Blaine's chest. But his fist was grasping Blaine's shirt, crumpling the fabric.
“Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard”
Blaine had closed his eyes, and thought that it was his own tears on his face when Kurt turned around and lied heart to heart on top of him. But as he opened them he was looking into Kurt's flooded ones, spilling down his cheeks when he blinked. The next line was merely breathed and finished on Blaine's lips...
“Oh take me back to the start”
They kissed soft and slow, but that was just because they wanted it to last forever. It was because with fire in their chests, this needed to be controlled and cared for.
But the way Blaine pulled Kurt closer to him by putting his palm on Kurt's shoulder blade, and how Kurt's hand knitted into Blaine's hair and brushed his thumb over the side of his face, gave them away. And how Blaine had to screw his eyes shut, and then remembered that he wanted to see Kurt, only to see that he had done the exact same thing.
They were in this one together.
Whatever might follow and what had been was on the edge of taking over and the reality of flesh was too present to be denied, too caught up with the fact that something finally made sense.
The kiss deepened, and the sensation was as intense as the first time. It was that sudden need to taste each other, and it would have been described as new if it wasn't for the fact that it really wasn't.
Kurt's nose dug into Blaine's cheek and Blaine slid his fingers under the neck line of Kurt's shirt, clinging to it and digging his nails into Kurt's skin.
They parted a little, just enough for Blaine to pay attention to Kurt panting a little.
“I love you,” Kurt said.
His cheeks were rosy, and wet, and Blaine swept his thumb over Kurt's cheekbone and then softly over Kurt's closing eyelid.
The following that happened was slow and fast, it was an eternity but never enough.
First, there was the moment of absolute stillness. It wasn't quiet. The air was too traitorous, letting the pound of hearts travel, and move against their skin in the shape of breaths.
Then it was all about angles, fitting lips over salty skin and sliding hands against bones, remembering every crook and turn that were their bodies. It was Blaine's fingers in the dents of Kurt's ribcage. It was Kurt sliding his shoulder over Blaine's. It was a game, finding the right pieces to fit into the puzzle.
And things were in the way. But suddenly it was as easy as removing layers of clothing so they did that desperately because they had waited so long to be close, to feel connected, and every inch of naked skin was like victory.
Once Blaine had Kurt lying naked beneath him, hand on his neck and lips red, Blaine took his time and Kurt let him. He let his hands travel up the sides of Kurt's body, the warmth of skin radiating under his hands and he held a little tighter than usual, holding on to his waist as if to keep him from falling.
And Blaine tasted the milky skin of Kurt's neck, leaning so far in that his head almost was tucked in under his shoulder. He heard Kurt's ragged breathing because he remembered to listen, because the sounds Kurt made felt as real as the fingernails scratching down his back and probably leaving red marks to fade away too quickly. Blaine sucked his way down to the bone of Kurt's shoulder, leaving an angry mark before continuing down Kurt's chest. He could sense that Kurt started to lose his patience, squirming a little and tugging at Blaine's hair as Blaine licked around his nipple and placed a hand on Kurt's hip.
There might have been words whispered, but those were simply air mingling and echoing against eardrums or palates. They left no longer impressions than the whiteness of knuckles, clinging to the sheets, because it wasn't about words. It was about how Kurt hitched his leg around Blaine's and flipped them over again, eyes fully focused on Blaine's lips, eyes, skin, everywhere.
This went on for a while, closing in and drawing back until touching wasn't enough anymore and laws of physics and things that can't really be explained kicked in. Hands grew more determined and softer at the same time.
Kurt locked gazes with Blaine, pecking him on the mouth while reaching outside their bubble, into the nightstand and Blaine made a vain attempt to catch his breath, kissing Kurt's upper arm before sliding down against the pillows.
The room was dark now, but it didn't matter. At this point Kurt really did feel like not only an extension of his own body, but also his mind. And Kurt felt the same way – that that wasn't quite enough either – so he didn't even have to remove his hands from Blaine's stomach and lift his legs up on his shoulders for Blaine to do just that.
Any coherent thought that Blaine might have had prior evaporated into thin air as Kurt's slick fingers entered Blaine's body, one by one. Moans turned into groans as Kurt leaned over him, kissing his stomach and twirling his fingers in a way that made Blaine's knees tingle.
Blaine dug his fingers into Kurt's neck, rasping through his hair as Kurt moved further down, tongue dragging against him and making Blaine twist his hips up and against Kurt.
It was overwhelming how the shots of fervor from the pit of his stomach soared through his blood, and then having Kurt withdraw. It was like a flash of fear, of emptiness and disappointment, and it was enough to make Blaine flinch with something else than pleasure. But it was just a flinch, and Kurt's hand was soon on his thigh instead, steadying him as he licked apologetically over the loss of his fingers and Blaine drew in a breath so sharp it sounded like a hiss.
Kurt moved again, as quickly as he could without a making a mess of limbs and heat. Suddenly he was leaning against the back of Blaine's legs and Blaine caught a small smile before his eyes fluttered close as Kurt pushed inside him again, slow and deliberate.
Whatever emptiness Blaine had felt a minute earlier had now been redeemed and forgotten along with all other things that wasn't Kurt's hips pressing against Blaine's skin or his breath ghosting over Blaine's shoulder. He stayed there just breathing for a while and Blaine listened to the tiny sound in the back of his throat after every breath until he couldn't take it any longer and arched his lower back to get Kurt to move.
And Kurt rested his forehead on Blaine's chest as he drew back, far enough for Blaine to grab his arm as to tell him don't leave, only to have his fingers digging into the muscle as Kurt pushed all the way in again.
The space between movements grew shorter and shorter and within seconds or minutes or hours speed caught up with them and nothing at all mattered when there was a rhythm like this. Flesh against flesh and when Blaine craned his neck Kurt placed sloppy kisses there and it set Blaine apart.
Kurt held him tightly during shudders and clenching muscles, moving on his own and then collapsing on top of Blaine and vibrating through every molecule of both their bodies and it was really too much, it really should have been too fucking much, but Blaine buried his face in Kurt's hair and loved the full weight of him, chests heaving against each other and that this should be everything – pure and raw.
Kurt pulled out and Blaine refused to let him move away any further, but Kurt didn't try to. He stayed on top of Blaine, only sliding down to the side to entwine their legs. He closed his eyes briefly and Blaine removed a strand of hair from his forehead but it fell right back down again. Kurt looked up at him through long lashes and his eyes shone of silver in the dark. Blaine closed his and let Kurt wrap his arms tighter around him.
Yes, this was how it should be. It wasn't effortless, it wasn't easy. It was listening and feeling and taking the consequences but it was absolutely worth it. Kurt kept him warm, snuggling impossibly close and Blaine stroked his back, counting the bumps of vertebras in the back of his dazed mind. He tugged at the blanket and pulled it up over them and Kurt sighed approvingly. He sounded close to sleep and the back of his hand was caressing Blaine's arm almost as in a trance.
But there was something keeping his eyes open and maybe he was waiting for Blaine say something, ask questions or demand explanations. But for the first time in a long time Blaine didn't feel the need to know. Or perhaps he did already know that Kurt would be there when they woke up, as soon as Blaine gave him permission to fall asleep.
Blaine shifted slightly, not feeling sticky and gross or scared and angry. Just calm and why worry about storms then? When it actually made sense not to.