Everything came back to him, every single last painful experience, thought, emotion, and memory all came flooding like a tidal wave…and it was all too much for the musician to handle at once. All that bottling up for the past five years, all that built up frustration and distress that he knew would eventually catch up to him some day…he just hadn’t wished it would be today. His chest burned, his breathing became shallow and less volumous by the second as he tried to gain more air in his lungs, though his irritation for finally giving in to his emotions made it nearly impossible for him to get the inhalations he needed. His eyes stung from the desperate attempt to hold back the silent tears that just kept coming, no matter how hard he tried to stop them or hold them back…they just kept coming. Blaine ran his fingers roughly through his hair and pulled even more on his tie, thoroughly frustrated and irritated, depressed and hurt. So many different thoughts and memories clouded his mind almost simultaneously…the numerous occasions when he had to deal with a drunk raging father who hated his own life so much that he simply lashed out on every little thing Blaine managed to do - whether right or wrong…the way his mother just walked away whenever his father would hit him, because she didn’t have the power to stop him nor the will to do so…the day his ex-girlfriend had told him that she couldn’t be with him anymore because he had scared her off by falling too quickly for her, trying way too hard and just being overwhelming in all aspects…the monday he had driven to the coffee shop down the street and the elementary school by his house until he ended up at an all too familiar house, finding a still form curled up in bed with his baseball hoody held tight against his chest with a spilled bottle of some sort of medication across the bed and spilling over onto the floor…

Blaine dug his palms against his eyes, uselessly wiping away the tears when he heard a door open, though more tears continued to fall as soon as his hands were removed from his face. He heard a quiet pair of shuffling feet against the pavement, a pause, and then a ruffling of fabric being stretched in an awkward way as Kurt sat beside him. Blaine turned away, not being able to look at him or near him. His feelings for the actor, and the confusion and frustration from his relationship with the drama major just seemed to amplify everything else. His hair was a mess, obvious trails of fingers easily being seen, his tie loosened until it was almost falling off, the collar of his shirt a little damp from the constant tears, and his pants brushed with dirt from the pavement beneath them. But he didn’t care, he was miserable, and it was so readily apparent that he just wanted to hand the keys over to Kurt, climb to his feet, and start walking in the direction towards campus, not caring the slightest bit if he ever got there or not. When he heard the actor’s strained voice he had to turn his head the slightest bit, looking down at his now dusty shoes, still not being able to say a word as Kurt went on to tell him what was going on with his own feelings and why he was so difficult around him. What was he supposed to say? But what about me? You make me feel safe and comfortable…and I love you for that? Blaine drew a long, shaky breath, not having the patience or emotional stability to say much, let alone think about what he was saying before he murmured something nearly inaudible, his eyes staying clear of the actor the entire time, “Then don’t. And please…please stop sending me mixed signals. If that’s what you want then just…just leave me be…I can’t handle it.”

Being out in the cool, New York air should have made breathing more easy. The car felt humid, the air heavy and still where as the air outside was chill, light, open and moving - yet Kurt was still feeling like something was crushing his chest. Maybe it was the guilt, or the heartbreaking emotions he was feeling seeing Blaine like this. Tears always made Kurt want to rush and help, no matter who it was he constantly felt sympathetic, yet there was some overwhelming reaction to Blaine’s that he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. Blaine had always seemed so strong - sure Kurt knew that he had troubles, has seen him near to tears and emotional but never like this and in some way it made Kurt just realize how human Blaine was. He’d always seemed so perfect, so strong, unbreakable, gentlemanly. He was still all those things and more in Kurt’s eyes, because holding onto these emotions for this amount of time was so strong. Kurt couldn’t help but feel guilty at his uselessness right then, he could feel himself calming quickly, but he was still somewhat shaken, pale and unsure as of what the hell just happened. He felt sick to his stomach knowing how completely wrong this night was going and he knew it just shouldn’t have been like this. It should have been perfect, friendly, easy, comfortable - not reducing them both to this at the side of a road. He lifted a shaky hand, pulling it through his slightly messed up hair and watched his breath floating visibly into the air before closing his eyes.

He wanted so badly to reach out and grab Blaine’s hand, to tell him everything he wanted to hear, that everything was okay, to listen to whatever he had to say, comfort him in any way possible, drive him back to the dorms and make sure he was okay. But he just couldn’t make himself move at that moment because he knew he couldn’t fix anything because broken couldn’t fix broken - that was just how it worked. Especially when he heard the musician’s words, causing him to clench his eyes shut quickly to stop any tears from escaping. He honestly wished he could, but the fact he was so confused about who Blaine was to him meant that he didn’t know how to treat him. He wanted to feel his arms around him, but he didn’t want the responsibility of a relationship at all - he just couldn’t do that. He was petrified of himself, of giving himself over and trusting anyone completely and he was scared that he was never going to be put back together enough to be able to be some sort of rock; that was what Blaine needed. He sighed loudly into the air before looking at his knees with completely concentrated and apologetic expression as he licked his lips nervously. “I’m sorry…” He turned his attention completely to Blaine, shifting so he was in front of him, resting on his knees. “But you haven’t told me what you want, Blaine. I don’t know who I am to you at all and that’s confusing. You never tell me what’s going on… I don’t know you, I can’t read you and just see what’s wrong because you’re so good at just hiding things away.” Kurt held his breath, resting back against his heels, tapping his fingers against his thighs in frustration. “Please… just tell me what’s going on right now. If you want me to go, to leave, to never bother you again - then tell me. If you want me to stay, to try, then I will but I can’t lie to you and say that it doesn’t scare me, because I’m petrified right now… I want to help you, to comfort you, but I don’t know how… So just tell me, please.”