He heard a rustle, a shuffling of soft footsteps against grass as they steadily drew nearer. The teenager needn’t raise his head to recognize the familiar figure clad in a pair of light blue canvas Sperry Topsiders, his favorite dark faded designer jeans, and Blaine’s own Xavier High School zip-up baseball hoody that seemed to fit the wearer better then the owner. His blonde hair was pushed back forcibly by shaking fingers as he stopped just short of Blaine, a hesitant expression on his face before kneeling in front of him and placing a reassuring hand on his knee, running his thumb gently over the darker boy’s jeans, knowing that it was better to not be the first to say something when the other was clearly trying to regain some sort of composure after being so thoroughly infuriated. Blaine took a deep breath before letting his eyes fall on James, his expression softening as he spoke, “Hey….” It had started off that way, his tone gentle and reserved while James was patient and cautious, knowing that it wouldn’t take much to set Blaine off again…but somehow the conversation had grown tense and argumentative, the darker haired boy trying his hardest to hold back all that anger and frustration from earlier until he couldn’t handle it anymore and yelled at him. It wasn’t that loud, but the harsh tone made James uncomfortable to the point of climbing to his feet and walking away without another word for the remainder of the weekend. It wasn’t until the following monday when James hadn’t arrived at school that he began to seriously worry. He had played witness to the horrendous bullying that James had been subjected to experiencing every single day of his three years at high school, and Blaine had his fair share of getting caught in the middle of every last confrontation that the blonde boy had gotten into. But knowing that Blaine had been the one to finally set him over the edge…

Blaine blinked, his eyes starting to turn a light pink as he once again tried to hold back everything. Thankfully Kurt’s murmuring gave him an ample distraction as he turned to look at him, though the actor’s dampening expression was not something that he could handle after letting his thoughts wander to such an emotionally draining and painful memory. Blaine lowered his eyes a moment later, trying to once again compose himself as he focused back on the road ahead, feeling that similar guilt that he had from when he was a seventeen-year-old teenager for causing this sort of a reaction in Kurt. But the musician couldn’t deal with that kind of fault again, so he switched hands on the steering wheel, his left one finding the drama major’s a short second later as he wrapped his hand gently around the other’s. Had the music major not been driving he would have fully turned in his seat and leaned over to tell Kurt exactly what he wanted to say. But the best he could do was glance over at him with a sincere apologetic facial expression, attempting to bury away all the other past implications… “I really honestly could not be more sorry. It was uncalled for and you deserve better then that,” he smiled to the best of his ability, returning to the road as he pondered on whether he should hold onto the comfort of Kurt’s hand.

Hearing the actor’s words finally influenced him to let go of the man’s hand, withdrawing it to his side of the car to rest against his leg. This really is just…too much. Blaine leaned against the door like he had earlier, subconsciously putting as much room as possible between himself and Kurt in the small space. He needed to be careful, because there was no way he was going to let himself lash out or say something he’d regret simply because of the numerous internal problems he was having. He really did like Kurt, and knowing the way things seemed to work out for him he was heading down that steep path for his feelings growing into something much more. But he couldn’t allow himself to fall for someone who was only going to think of him as a friend and yet send all of these mixed signals…he had more then enough things on his plate nowadays that he was trying to keep ahold of, and keeping himself in one piece without completely breaking down was literally getting more difficult day-by-day. It didn’t help, of course, that he was starting to have trouble deciphering what Kurt meant…like what did he mean by ‘I do like you Blaine… I like you as a friend and I’d told you that I think of you as more…’? Was he just trying to say that he liked him solely as a friend and nothing more? Or did he mean that he legitimately liked him but respected what they had and just had other things going on that was causing him to be hesitant? He did know what ‘it’s complicated’ meant, however…that was always a phrase that you never wanted to hear. But all that uncertainty and the way nothing seemed to be positive for the musician - he just couldn’t handle that kind of ambiguity and let down…I can’t do this. “I understand,” he said simply, half-heartedly, and not a word more.

The tension in the car was stifling, like the humidity inside the car was leaving it more and more difficult to breathe without having to think carefully about it. The silence in the car was deafening, Kurt could hear the pounding of the blood rushing through his ears, the dull ache to head somewhere just off centre and to the right of his skull. He could feel the burning in the back of his throat from tears and the stinging of his eyes, each breath felt impossible and unsteady like his lungs were somehow made of lead and just couldn’t inflate. His skin felt clammy and he had to rest his temple against the window to cool his circulation. Okay so this felt slightly like a mix of shock and panic, but he was controlling it, his outer appearance simply looked like he was trying desperately to stop himself from saying something with the clenching of his jaw; it was just the unfortunate that he wasn’t so collected on the inside. The silence and tension between them was just reminding Kurt of every past occasion he’d felt uncomfortable like this. He could remember his first year in New York, coming back after the Christmas break and finding himself being pestered by this tall, athletic, rower called Nick who was pleasing to look at but definitely not Kurt’s type. Regardless, Kurt just couldn’t say no and not too long after that he was stuck in a relationship with some guy which Kurt wasn’t even sure he completely liked.

It seemed crazy how over the amount of time he spent being physically and mentally bullied and abused during high school, that Kurt would allow his relationship itself to turn the same way. He’d go to Nick’s apartment - because they didn’t meet up anywhere else for various excuses (which Kurt was fully aware the main unspoken one was the fact that Nick wasn’t even out and didn’t want to jeopardize anything by coming out) - and things would just get worse. At frist, the actor would admit things were pretty sweet. They’d cook, settle on the couch and watch movies, talk, do pieces of work just in comfortable silence. But the second Kurt started getting comfortable, that’s when everything went wrong. He could hear the sly remarks which caused his blood to boil, him to retaliate with his sharp remarks and honestly after weeks of the heated arguments and the crying at Kurt’s dorm room door for forgiveness, Kurt didn’t know why he was still putting up with this. But it was better than being alone, after all he mostly just kept to himself anyway and it wasn’t like he had anyone else to spend time with. He was fully aware of how much he pushed Nick during their arguments and unsurprisingly he half expected the sharp slap, the punches, the black bruises over his body, the forced affections. His dad had almost refused to let him come back after Kurt eventually told him, but he couldn’t stop him. Besides, Nick had graduated and it wasn’t like he’d be around to pester Kurt much after that.

The actor had only been in two relationships, both were less than what he was expecting and left him worse off and less himself afterwards. That was why he didn’t date. It was painful, things never actually worked out. It worried him that he felt comfortable around Blaine, as much as he’d never shown any sign of taking advantage of this comfort and that he’d always been incredibly careful around Kurt, this tone had just shocked him enough to leave him tentative at the touch to his hand, letting his teeth graze over his bottom lip as he continued to stare out of the window. “It’s fine Blaine, honestly. Please drop it.” Kurt half begged, well he was begging because if Blaine went on with mentioning the subject, Kurt was never going to be able to relax and stop thinking about the possibilities. He finally looked back over to Blaine, removing his temple from the cool window reluctantly and giving him a soft smile before letting it fade from his lips. Blaine looked like he felt and it took everything in him not to immediately ask if he was okay, mostly because he didn’t trust his own voice at the moment anyway. Instead he took a calming breath, rubbing his lips together and closing his eyes before releasing a long sigh and turning in his seat. Of course he’d always use the ‘career and education comes before dating’ or ‘I’m too busy’ excuse whenever it came to dates, which most of the time he was - he purposefully involved himself in so much that he was worn out in order to eradicate a social life, but he wasn’t fool proof, he could cancel, make space and time in order to do things like this which ended up terribly and left him wondering what the hell he was doing.

Blaine’s words caused him to blink a few times. He understood? God, it was infuriating how much of a gentleman he was at times, how he never pressed issues or wanted to know more. Yes Kurt liked that about him but it also annoyed him. Just like the fact that he felt entirely guilty right now, watching his expression, the distance between them unnerving and tension so heavy it could be cut with a knife. “Oh.” Kurt just about managed to mutter before sitting back and keeping his eyes trained on the road before sighing loudly and pulling his hands through his hair with a frustrated groan. “Blaine, pull the car over.” He almost mentally slapped himself for how calm his voice sounded. He didn’t feel that calm, he felt like he was about to have some full scale meltdown and come of as some crazy person before getting out of the car and storming off down the pathway and hide in his dorm room for days, but he couldn’t just leave them like this. He had said that he never wanted to lose Blaine’s friendship because that was one of the things he treasured deeply, but Blaine was clearly upset in some way and he just had to get it out of the musician what was going through his head - because Kurt was worried. He’d been making mistakes the entire short while since Blaine had come to the door; kissing his cheek, his wordings, his tone, his presumptions, his actions - everything was just not how he was planning it.