“I need you, Blaine.” He whispers into Blaine’s ear. Hot, warm. Lust filled. Blaine can feel everything grow warm, but at the same time he feels ice cold. Everything is on edge; he can see the pale moon’s gleam on his naked torso. Blaine shakes his head, “No… No thank you—” But his words are cut off by a deep kiss, a forceful one. Blaine struggles against the boy’s weight, “No—” He tries again, but the word is shut off by a deeper kiss, lust filled kiss. A scary kiss, one that is dark and greedy. Blaine feels himself whimper, terrified of the boy he claimed to love. He turns his head away, and his lover (is he a lover now?) kisses Blaine’s neck, nipping at the skin. A tear falls down Blaine’s cheek, and he gasps as his erection is touched. Blaine can faintly hear a zipper unzip, and he stifles another gasp. Pants go down; shirts come up. Pain is filled into Blaine’s core, and he moans and gasps like its all part of the act of love. When the boy comes, Blaine brings him down to lay beside him. Blaine doesn’t say he didn’t come. Blaine’s boyfriend lays down beside the boy, cupping his cheek. This is a sweeter kiss, a loving kiss. Sebastian looks into Blaine’s eyes, “I love you; you know that, right?”

Blaine nodded, “I… I know…” But this time around, Blaine didn’t know. He didn’t feel like Sebastian loved him anymore. He felt like he was being used for Sebastian’s feel to conquer. Blaine once knew he wasn’t just a piece of garbage to be thrown and tossed around. He once understood that. But, the times had changed. Ever since the Sadie Hawkins dance, Blaine had become unsure. He was unsure of himself, as well as others. He was unsure of who loved him, who wanted him. He could never be sure again. His parents and Cooper remained supportive of him, but Blaine remained weak. He could not support himself. He was nothing special in his eyes; he was just him. His parents made him transfer schools; instead of going to Westerville High, he was going to Dalton, a prestigious academy filled with young men. To any gay teenager, that would have sounded like a dream come true. To Blaine, however, it was a nightmare. He was ready to push away all the thoughts of kissing with a boy, and laying with them. He was sick and tired of these thoughts.

The first night Blaine was there at Dalton, he screamed into his pillow, before bursting into sobs. Right now, in this moment, lying next to Sebastian, he felt the same feeling of dread fill his whole body. It felt like the first night all over again. Bile filled Blaine’s throat, but he swallowed it down. Everything seemed so real in this moment. His heart pounded in his chest; everything was electrified, but in the worst way possible. Everything hurt; his chest, his mind, his stomach. Looking out the window, Blaine saw the pale silver moon’s gleam resting on Sebastian. Sebastian was resting, looking innocent and child-like. Blaine could feel his hand go over to touch Sebastian’s cheek, stroking it softly. He would forgive Sebastian. Sebastian was beautiful. He didn’t mean to hurt Blaine. He never meant to hurt Blaine. Sebastian just… always hurt him. Whether it was intended or accidental, Sebastian always had this way of hurting Blaine. He would yell at him, call him names. But, in the end, Blaine knew it was his fault. It was always his fault. No one else was to blame.

Blaine had learned his a long time ago. The first time was with his friends at the Sadie Hawkins dance. The next time was the Kurt. Kurt. Kurt was the one who had made Blaine feel something again. Kurt was the light of his existence. If he couldn’t make himself right, he could try to help Kurt. Kurt. Kurt saved Blaine in ways that Blaine didn’t know he could be saved. Maybe, they would date. Maybe, they would be happy together. The maybe’s turned into almost somethings, and then they turned into nothings. Kurt had transferred back to McKinley. The last words he had ever said to Kurt were, “Have fun.”

“You too.” Kurt had said, smiling at the curly haired boy. The two had hugged, before separating. Finn had driven to Westerville to drive Kurt back home. Home. Back to where he belonged. Blaine could feel his heart sink into his chest. While he talked of courage, Blaine never had enough to go face his fears. He never would. Not after that night— all his courage had been beaten out of him. Blaine admired that about Kurt, how courageous he was. How unafraid, unstoppable Kurt had been. Never afraid to speak his mind. Blaine looked back to Sebastian, who was currently curled into a small ball, sleeping. Blaine could feel words creep up into his throat, words of pushing Sebastian away. Words that would cut the boy like knives. Words that Kurt would have used if he was in this situation.

Courage failed Blaine, though, for he did nothing. He kept to himself, silent. Dead silent. Instead, Blaine curled up into a small ball, sobs racking his body. He felt dirty, unclean. Broken in the way no one could see, no one would want to see. He could feel himself shattering. First his fragile heart broke into a thousand pieces. Screams that pierced his mind cracked open his skull. His fingers went numb; his feet were on fire. Everything was in pain. Blaine was paralyzed, head to toe. A few tears fell, and Blaine bit back a sob. His body shuddered. Everything was in pain.

Sebastian curled around Blaine, as if sensing the boy’s pain. He mumbled in his sleep, “I love you, Blainey…” Blaine knew Sebastian loved him. But he didn’t know if the pain was worth the sweetness for Sebastian. A thought flitted through Blaine’s mind. He could just… leave.

But, what would Blaine have then?

Nothing.

So, Blaine whispered back, “I love you too, Sebastian… I love you too.”

-

The next day, Blaine wakes up in Sebastian’s arms. His safe, safe arms. Blaine smiles, kissing his forearm, eyes fluttering. Sebastian wakes up, smiling. “Hello, beautiful.” He whispers, kissing the base of Blaine’s neck. A shiver flies down Blaine’s spine, and he smiles. “I love you.” Blaine flips over, so they are face to face, nose to nose, and palm to palm. Sebastian’s lips found Blaine’s. Blaine kissed him back, softly. He could feel Sebastian pouring all his love in the kiss. Blaine sucks in air, pulling Sebastian closer. Sebastian wraps his arms around Blaine, before pulling away, kissing the boy’s nose. Their naked bodies were close. Blaine smiled. Now he knew that what Sebastian did was out of love.

“Ready for Warbler’s rehearsal today?” Blaine asked his boyfriend, his love. Sebastian laughed, burring his head into Blaine’s shoulders, “No, not at all.” Blaine looked confused at Sebastian’s statement; he normally loved being in the Warblers. “Why not, Seb?” Sebastian laughed once more, “Because, I want to spend the rest of the day cuddled next to you, silly.”

Blaine couldn’t argue with that. He curled in closer to Sebastian. He loved Sebastian when he was nice, and sweet to him. He loved him so much more than when he was mean, and angry. He loved him all the time, but it was easier to love Sebastian when he wasn’t yelling at Blaine, telling him what a failure he was. When he actually listened to Blaine, instead of being a child-like. Sebastian held Blaine close, and Blaine forgot all the thoughts that went into his head. Instead, he just let Sebastian hold him for a little while longer, forgetting the world. Forgetting last night, and how Sebastian ignored him when he said no. No. No, no, no.

Blaine knew he would never forget, though. It was burned in his mind, forever. Like a hot poker touching flesh, a scar had been formed. A mental scar, filled with pain and tears. When Sebastian wasn’t nice, Blaine could feel a scar being formed in his head. And whenever he felt worthless, he would touch those scars, replay the words over and over, till Blaine was sure they were true. And Sebastian always said they were true. So, who was he to blame to say they weren’t?

Ten minutes passed. Blaine stretched, feeling pain fill his abdomen. “Here, let’s go, Sebastian.” Sebastian smiled, gently. “If you want to, Blaine.” Blaine nodded, “I want to. I love Warblers.”

“Me too.” Sebastian grinned, “But I love you more.” Blaine blushed, but smiled. He felt a giddy school boy feeling fill himself. It was so different from the dark feeling from last night. His mind played tug of war with his thoughts. He didn’t know who was the real Sebastian, and who was the fake anymore. He’d like to think that this sweet, loving side was him, but sometimes Blaine had a gut feeling it was the cruel and snarky side.

The two got dressed in the silence, before heading off to Warbler practice.

-

After Warbler practice, Sebastian took Blaine’s hand. He smiled that loving and dorky smile, the one that reminded Blaine of how much he loved Sebastian. The way the sparkle in his eyes never left; his voice— god, Blaine loved his voice. How confident he was in himself was also a trait Blaine admired. Blaine had always wished for that confidence. Even when he was younger, Blaine was casted in the shadows of his brother. But that was okay. School made up for it. Everyone loved Blaine here.

Sebastian loved him the most. Blaine knew it. Sebastian would always love him the most though.

Blaine took Sebastian’s hand. Sebastian gently squeezed it, interlacing their fingers. David smiled at them, “Did you know, when you lace fingers with someone as you hold hands, it’s called waffling?”

Sebastian eye rolled, but Blaine laughed, “Waffling, really?”

David took Blaine’s other hand, “And this is called pancaking.”

Blaine grinned again. He did not see the glare that Sebastian was giving him. It was a death stare. Blaine was unaware the consequences he’d face due to the way David was holding Blaine’s hand. Sebastian yanked Blaine away, “Come on; we’re going to be late.”

“Going to be late to what, exactly? It’s Saturday.” David cocked his head in confusion. Sebastian just tugged harder, “Blaine, let’s go.”

Blaine gave David a look that said ‘I’m sorry’, but he left with Sebastian anyways.

“What the hell was that?!” Sebastian snapped at Blaine once they were out of ear shot of anyone. “What do you mean, Sebastian? I was just talking to David about holding hands.” Sebastian just shook his head, “No, you weren’t. You were flirting, Blaine. Blatantly flirting with him in front of me. Do you know how wrong that is? After what happened last night? It’s disrespectful. You’re just a whore. You like to fucking whore around, huh?” Blaine looked up at Sebastian with scared eyes, wide and terrified eyes. He shook his head, almost violently. “No, no I love you Sebastian!” Blaine pleaded, biting his lip.

“You better prove it. Because right now, I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth. David has a girlfriend, you know. That’s not cool, Blaine.” Sebastian glared, jerkily letting go of Blaine’s hand. Blaine reached out for it, and softly begged, “Don’t go. I- I need you, Sebastian. No one else. I need you.”

“Prove it.”

Blaine kissed Sebastian, hard, a needy kiss. A guilty kiss. He hadn’t meant to hurt Sebastian— he really hadn’t. The exchange between David and himself must have not been as friendly as he thought it had been. Sebastian pulled away; his eyes had a softer look to them. A loving look.

“I need you too.” Sebastian leaned down and kissed the brunet softly on the forehead, retaking his hand. They were waffling.

“Let’s go to the Lima Bean, and have some coffee, okay?” Sebastian asked, looking straight into Blaine’s still scared eyes, “I’ll pay for it. I’ll even buy you a cookie. Snickerdoodle, your favorite.”

Blaine smiled slightly, “You’re too good to me.”

“I know.” Sebastian laughed.

Blaine laughed with him, but it was forced. Sebastian didn’t notice though. He just laughed along. And they laughed all the way to the Lima Bean, holding hands and talking about nothing but love.