By the time Kurt got back to the apartment he knew Rachel would already be home from her day of work. Not being able to land a spot on Broadway right out of NYADA, Rachel had been working as a dance instructor in a local studio. It wasn't exactly the spotlight, something she always complained about to Kurt, but it was a small start.

Kurt was grumbling to himself as he attempted to climb the stairs to the second floor (it had been a mutual agreement that they would live no higher than a second floor) arm's laden with shopping bags. He longed for the day he would be able to hire somebody to come with him and hold all of his purchases while he shopped. Though Kurt doubted he would have even let somebody come along on this particular day. The retail therapy was exactly what he needed.

He was still far from done being upset over what happened this morning however, Kurt grimaced just thinking about it again. It was not something that he ever wanted to relive. At least the coffee shop had been empty today that way he had not caused a big scene for himself. Or embarrassed himself in front of one of the friends he had made after he and Blaine had broken up. Nobody knew about Blaine, except the people from high school and the people he was friends with freshman year in college. And that was the way Kurt wanted it.

Kurt huffed out a breath once he reached the top of the stairs. They were a lot more difficult to climb when you were carrying pounds of new clothes. And shoes. And scarves. And even a new hat. Reaching the door Kurt looked down at his arms and was faced with the fact that he couldn't open the door. He resorted to kicking it, hoping Rachel was indeed home and had not gone out after work.

"What do you want? I've got nothing worth stealing in here! Go away!" Rachel's voice came muffled through the door. Kurt huffed again.

"Rachel! It's me! Open the door already!"

"Why can't you open the doo- ...oh no." Rachel had finally opened the door and seen the multitude of bags swinging on Kurt's arms.

"What?" Kurt asked in exasperation, pushing his way past Rachel into the apartment.

"You ditched work and went shopping today, didn't you Kurt?"

"So what if I did!"

"Were you really that upset that I broke the coffee pot that you had to go out and shop for the day? I know you like the stuff Kurt but there was no reason to call out because of a broken coffee pot. Oh, I hope you bought one when you went out today if it was really that upsetting. I mean that new shop just opened up down the street. It would have taken, what, about an extra ten minutes to stop. I mean I hardly doubt it was busy yet-"

"Rachel! Will you stop talking for 30 seconds and take a breath?" Kurt said as he walked back into the kitchen area. He had gone and put down his purchases in his bedroom while Rachel ranted on.

"Sorry," Rachel grumbled, looking down at the tile, kicking at it a little.

Kurt sighed, "No. I'm sorry. I just had a truly terrible day. I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"Why? Was like the coffee really bad at that place? I mean it always smelled good whenever I walked by. I mean you can't really screw up coffee, can you?"

"Rachel. What did I just say about slowing down and breathing?" Kurt knew he was procrastinating. He really didn't want to talk about Blaine to her, or to anybody for that matter. Rachel's constant steam of words had not bothered him in years. It tended to happen when you lived with the girl.

"Oh whatever Kurt. Just spit it out. You wouldn't have called out to go and waste a whole day shopping on something insignificant."

"Well first off a day shopping is never a day wasted..."

Rachel's only answer was her glare.

"Okay! Okay! Jeeze! I never actually found out if the coffee was any good because I never actually got any coffee."

"What did the woman working there have on like the wrong color shoes for the decor or something?"

"Actually there was no woman." Kurt winced at the thought of who actually did work there.

"Was it like one of those automated things were you have to pay a machine? Because I can never figure those things out either, there's no reason to be embarrassed."

"No Rachel it wasn't automated. Though I wish it was," he mumbled under his breath.

"Then what was it! The way you are beating around the bush it's almost like we're talking about..."

"I'm guessing that by trailing off like that you mean Blaine?" Kurt looked at Rachel then. Meeting her eyes for the first time. Rachel knew it was the first time Kurt had said Blaine's name voluntarily in years. Kurt watched as all the color drained out of Rachel's face. Much to even Kurt's disbelief, they had actually gotten even closer since living together for so long. She might have been the only one who fully understood how much Blaine had hurt Kurt. Looking at her now Kurt could see she was just as shocked that Blaine was in the city as he had been this morning.

"Oh God. No. Kurt I should have gone in there first. I am so sorry. It would never have happened if I hadn't broken the coffee pot. I am so so so sorry. Are you okay? Well obviously not because you must have spent well over a three thousand dollars today on clothes just because you saw him. You didn't actually like...talk to him, did you?"

"Actually...I did. We had a less than great conversation about his hair."

"His hair?" For once Rachel seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Yes. Don't ask okay?"

"Fine. What do you mean when you say 'less than great?'"

"We argued. And it ended with me storming out of the shop with tears in my eyes and Blaine either kicking or punching something followed by a yelled cuss word. With which I walked away crying."

"Oh Kurt. I am so sorry honey. I know how much it must have hurt to see him again. I know if I ran into Finn again after these last six months of being apart I would go absolutely crazy with sadness."

"Not helping Rachel." Kurt couldn't talk about this anymore. He turned away from her and walked back into his bedroom. He flopped down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling as if waiting for something to appear there to make the pain in his chest hurt less. He would have been just as grateful for something that he could turn back time with that way he would have never walked into the coffee shop that morning.

"You know what you have to do," Rachel said from his doorway.

"Actually I don't know, why don't you enlighten me."

"You have to show him that you are the bigger man. That you are not gonna let Blaine get to you anymore. You have to go back to the coffee shop tomorrow and show him that he can't get under your skin anymore. That you are more mature. We aren't in high school anymore. You have to show him that."

Kurt sighed. He knew deep down Rachel was right, even though part of him just wanted to run away. Just never go back into the place and forget that Blaine even existed, hopefully for the rest of his life this time. He didn't want to be the better person, like he had been his whole life. For once Kurt just wanted to run away like the scared boy he used to be in tenth grade. Running away from his feelings was easier than actually having to deal with them.

"Why does it always have to be me?" he whispered, so quietly he didn't think that Rachel could hear him.

"Because Kurt, you can never let somebody be better than you. That is, except for me." And with that she walked away, shutting his bedroom door behind her.

Closing his eyes and sighing Kurt twisted his fingers together like he always did when he was nervous. When the break up had happened it had left him really messed up. Much more so than he was comfortable admitting, even to himself. That's why he had been fighting so hard for so many years to not even think about Blaine. If he was going to go back into that shop and confront Blaine he knew he was going to have to put up a thick wall, because he could never let Blaine back into his life.