When Blaine lost his virginity for the first time, he was fourteen. Her name was Angela, and she was the daughter of one of his father's business associates. She was seventeen and very sweet and liked him very much.

At least, that's what his father said.

She gave him a blow job in the back of his mother's car, and invited him upstairs when he dropped her off. With the words his father had said to him earlier ringing in the back of his mind, he accepted. I always knew you'd start young, he'd said before he'd left to pick up Angela. Just like your old man.

When it was over, he'd turned and looked at her, and imagined the look in his father's eyes after he'd said it: pride. He thought he'd be proud too, but the uneasy feeling, the one so much like nausea and shame, wasn't what he'd expected. He broke up with Angela a week later. She moved on quickly to his father's friend's son, his mother told him later.

***

The second time he lost his virginity, he was sixteen. It was to a boy with misleadingly sweet green eyes and a charming smile. His name was Sebastian. Sebastian had always been a good friend to Blaine, or so Blaine had perceived it. Some fumbling and frotting in the dorms at Dalton Academy led to sex, and, afterward, Blaine felt more satisfied than he had with Angela. No nausea, he'd thought happily. But the empty, used feeling in his stomach didn't disappear no matter how many times he repeated the exercise.

It was Sebastian, in the end, who broke up with him, letting him go gently. If you could call getting caught being fucked by Dave Karofsky in the bathroom of the Lima Bean letting Blaine go gently.

Blaine didn't cry. He felt, inexplicably, relieved.

***

When Blaine met Kurt while singing at a karaoke bar at the age of twenty-two, a college student, his stomach swarmed with butterflies, and he felt whole and safe and right. Kurt was kind and beautiful, and when Blaine lost his virginity for the third time six months later, he cried.

When Kurt asked what was wrong, Blaine responded with a small smile, tears still streaking down his face, "I've been looking for you forever." And as Kurt clutched him close, tenderly kissing his losses away into blissful disappearance, whispering reassurances and love, Blaine was sure he'd never felt more complete.