Word of Warning: Mentions of drug abuse

“So how are things going with your Dad? He actually looks sober today.” Puck was lying down on Kurt’s bed repeatedly tossing a tennis ball in the air and catching it while Kurt was sitting at his laptop making a playlist for Puck’s party that night.

“Well he went to the meeting the other night, finally, and is trying to convince me that he’s gonna go every week. Don’t know how long that’s gonna last though.”

“Hmmm.” Puck was quiet for a while which Kurt knew meant that there was more he wanted to say but didn’t want to overstep. Usually Puck had no problem with overstepping but even he had a limit and getting Kurt Hummel angry was a place he really didn’t want to go.

“Okay,” Puck stood up and walked over to Kurt and sat on top of the desk he was sitting at. “So what’s the deal with you and Anderson? You were so sure you were gonna fuck him and now it’s been almost two months and so far you’ve managed to kiss him and make him cry because of it.”

“I didn’t tell you that just so you can use it against me. Anyway he’s not like that. He’s not just gonna get fucked and be okay with it. He’s not that type of guy.”

“That’s kinda what I’m getting at. I like this guy. He’s cool, and I don’t think that you shoving your dick up his ass is gonna do him many favours. You fuck guys and then you’re done with them. Don’t do that to this kid. It’ll ruin him.”

“You think I don’t know that, Puck.” Kurt was getting frustrated with Puck not shutting up about Blaine. He didn’t want to think about the other boy let alone talk about him. No matter what he was doing he always found himself thinking of Blaine. Something funny would happen and he’d find himself wanting to text Blaine about it. He’d walk past a clothing shop and see a bowtie and wonder if it would look good on Blaine or not. He even found himself itching to text Blaine about his Dad when he finally went to the meeting. No matter where he was or what he was doing, he was always thinking of Blaine, and he was sick of it. He chalked it up to not having a good fuck in weeks and Blaine was always around making him the perfect target.

 “Oh my God, dude, it’s more than that isn’t it. You actually like him, don’t you?” Puck jumped down from the desk looking so proud of himself. “You don’t just wanna fuck him, you wanna be with him.”

“I’m done listening to this crap. I need a smoke.”

“Fine but we’re not done here! Oh and when your finished we’re going back to mine to set up.”

Kurt walked up the stairs and went outside. He pulled a cigarette out and lit it up. He breathed in slowly and deeply and exhaled just as slow. He stood there wracking his brain for other guys that’d be at Puck’s that night. He needed to get laid and then he’d stop thinking about Blaine. He had to stop thinking about him. Every time he thought about him or saw him his stomach instantly got queasy. He couldn’t eat when he thought of Blaine and he could barely sleep. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, maybe he was getting sick. What confused him the most is that it wasn’t just about sex. He liked spending time with Blaine. He rarely got close to other people, Puck being the exception, but he didn’t know if he wanted to get close to Blaine. He felt exposed in front of that boy. He didn’t want someone to make him weak. Most importantly, though, was that he couldn’t let Blaine get hurt and simply being friends with Kurt immediately put someone in danger and he knew Blaine wouldn’t be able to handle the things he didn’t know about Kurt.

“What the hell are you doing Kurt?” Kurt looked at up his Dad’s voice who was standing at the front door with his car keys in hand.

“Knitting a sweater, obviously.” Kurt snapped back.

“Since when do you smoke? Those things will kill you Kurt.” Burt was shaking his head in disbelief.

“Well what do you suggest? Drinking till I can’t stand every night? At least this way I’ll remember my shortened life. The way you’re going you’ll barely even remember that you have a son when you’re lying on your death bed.”

Burt’s face was red and he looked in that moment that he was actually capable of murder. “I AM TRYING, KURT! I know I haven’t been the perfect Father the last couple years but I am trying to do better, for you. And I am still your Dad and I will not allow you to talk to me like that again, you hear me?”

“I hear you, I just don’t care.” Kurt leant past his Dad and yelled out for Puck to come upstairs. “Let’s go already, we need to go get supplies.”

“Where the hell are you going, Kurt?”

Puck cautiously walked outside and between the Hummel men out to his car, not wanting to disturb the fight he could hear from downstairs.

“Out. Don’t know when I’ll be home so don’t ask.” He put on his helmet and straddled his bike and sped off with Puck following behind him.

It had been two days that Blaine and his Dad had been left alone together and not once had they spoken. He knew this was how it was going to be but that didn’t mean he liked it. He had still hoped that his Dad would turn around and say sorry for the way he’s treated Blaine but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. He knew that his Dad would never accept who he is.

Saturday night could not have come quick enough. At least Anthony had a shift at the hospital on Saturday so Blaine didn’t have to lock himself in his room all day. Most of his day was spent catching up on homework (which really wasn’t that hard compared to Dalton), talking to Jeff and catching up on everything going on with the Warblers and, most importantly, figuring out what to wear to Puck’s party.

Clothes were strewn all over his room. He had all of his jeans tossed onto his bed, shirts and jumpers carelessly thrown on the floor and bowties covering his desk. He had tried on almost every combination possible until he finally decided on red jeans, a plain black button up T-shirt and a red plaid bowtie. It was his first party and he wanted to dress to impress, and if he was trying to impress a certain someone then what was the big deal.

When everything was put back in his wardrobe and he was dressed with his hair gelled back, he jumped into his Prius and drove off. The closer to Puck’s house he got, the more nervous he got. He knew it was ridiculous to be so nervous about going to a party but he also knew that most of his nerves were due to the fact that Kurt was going to be there, possibly drunk and even more dirty minded than normal. He’d already decided that he was just going to have one drink and that would be all for the night. He didn’t want to get carried away.

From two streets away he could already hear the thumping of music and laughter from drunk teenagers. He parked his car around the corner because there wasn’t much room left on Puck’s street to park. He walked up to the house and passed two different couples making out on the front porch. When he opened the door his eyes went wide. There was a large group of people in the middle of the lounge room dancing together (more like grinding together, actually), people in the kitchen attempting to make cocktails which actually looked horrible, the couches in the corner of the room were filled with people making out with each other as was the staircase. He didn’t even want to think about what was going on up there.

He started walking around looking for someone he knew. At first he found Finn and Rachel but they were busy making out on one of the couches, he also saw Mike and Tina who were dancing together but as most of the other people there, it was more so just grinding on one another. He walked through the large crowd of people until he heard someone yell out “Hey Hobbit!” He looked around till he saw Santana running up the stairs with Brittany, pinkies entwined. He waved back but didn’t try yelling out to say hi, knowing they wouldn’t be able to hear him anyway. After walking around the house a little longer without spotting someone he knew, he decided to try out the backyard. Outside there were just as many people as there were inside, if not more. He knew why this was the party of the year. It looked like almost half the school was there. There was a large crowd of people playing beer pong and he quickly realised that was where the rest of the New Directions were. He made his way over but stopped suddenly when he noticed Kurt.

He was wearing Blaine’s favourite pair of maroon, ripped skinny jeans that had to have been painted on. His ass in them looked absolutely edible. His eyes trailed up and watched as Kurt took off his black leather jacket that revealed the plain white tee underneath. From behind, Blaine could see how the shirt hugged every muscle and left nothing to the imagination. It was no different to what the boy normally wore but for some reason, Blaine couldn’t keep his eyes off him tonight. Maybe it was to do with the fact that he’s never really stood back and just looked at Kurt, especially from this angle. Kurt stood next to Puck, cheering him on as he threw the ball right into Sam’s last cup. Kurt threw his arms in the air in triumph and turned to Puck who instantly grabbed him and lifted him off the ground in a massive hug. It was when Puck put Kurt down that he finally noticed Blaine standing there staring at him.

“Hey there gorgeous!” Kurt greeted him with as he sauntered over and wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist. His heart rate may have sped up a little.

“Hey yourself. This party is massive!” Blaine grinned up at him as Kurt started to laugh a little.

“I know, it’s like this every year. You want a drink?”

“Yeah sure, just one though. I’m driving.” Kurt took Blaine’s hand and led him back into the house. They walked into the kitchen and Kurt grabbed him a red cup and poured him a beer and began to walk back outside.

“Aren’t you having one Kurt?” Blaine asked him.

Kurt looked at Blaine for a moment and then spoke softly. “I don’t drink.” He looked away and then started walking back outside. Blaine could tell that Kurt wasn’t annoyed with him for asking but he also knew that Kurt didn’t want to answer any more questions.

He followed Kurt back outside and was pulled into a hug by Sam.

“Dude, what’s up?”

Blaine smiled at his friend who was rocking forward and backwards a little, obviously starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.

“Hey Sam. You look like you’re about to fall over.” Blaine laughed up at him.

“Best thing about moving to here from Dalton are the parties man. Trust me, you’re gonna have the night of your life!”

Kurt hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off Blaine since he walked in. Somehow he made the geeky clothes look completely hot, Kurt still had no idea how but it only frustrated him more. He couldn’t be thinking of Blaine like that. He knew what it would lead to and that was something he would not risk. He turned to Puck who was already looking back at him.

“Don’t forget what we talked about earlier Hummel. You can’t just sleep with him, it’ll destroy him.”

“I know Puck. Which is why I need to find someone to fuck, so if you’ll excuse me.” Kurt walked off and headed inside. When he walked into the lounge room he felt someone grab his hand. He turned around and was met by Blaine and those stupid hazel eyes that made him want to melt and his stupid hair that had way too much gel but somehow still suited him perfectly and of course his stupid intoxicating smile that had Kurt forgetting that he was trying to keep his distance.

“What do you want Blaine?” Kurt knew he needed to get away from this boy but he made it increasingly harder by being so damn cute.

“Dance with me!” Blaine practically yelled at him.

Kurt tried to force his smile away but he knew that Blaine saw right through it. It scared him to death.

“I can’t Blaine. I need to find someone.”

“But Kurt, I love this song!” Blaine gave him these big puppy dog eyes and Kurt instantly knew that there was no way he was going to let up.

“Fine. One dance and that’s it.”

They moved into the middle of the crowd and were forced right up together because of it. Kurt put his hands on Blaine’s waist while Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt’s neck. They started off slowly at first, just swaying a little to the beat but after a while the both grew a little more confident and started dancing closer together. The crowd was constantly pushing them closer closer closer, to the point that they could barely move. Soon enough they were practically grinding against one another just like everyone else who was there. Kurt knew it was a bad idea to be so close to Blaine but he couldn’t help it. Every time he tried to get a little distance Blaine would somehow pull him right back in again.

They were watching each other intently, their breathing becoming ragged and their faces started drifting closer together. They were nose to nose and Kurt could feel Blaine’s breath on his own parted lips. He looked down at Blaine’s lips just as he licked him from being suddenly dry. Kurt knew it was a bad idea but slowly they both started to lean in, barely even moving anymore, until Kurt noticed someone from the corner of his eye.

“Fuck.” He let go of Blaine who was now standing in the middle of the room with a dazed expression on his face. Kurt ran outside over to Puck who was trying to get with one of the cheerleaders.

“Puck. What the fuck is Kyle doing here?” Puck looked up at the sound of Kurt’s voice with a confused expression.

“Kyle? I obviously didn’t invite him. He’s possibly working, what’s the big deal?” Puck then went back to whatever girl he was failing at picking up, ignoring Kurt completely.

Kurt walked back inside, straight past Blaine who had obviously followed him back out. He went inside and after scanning the room, found who he was looking for.

“Kyle. What the hell are you doing here?” Kurt grabbed the taller man and pulled him into the corner of the kitchen.

“There you are Kurt, just the guy I was looking for. Boss sent me here, told me to give you this. You’re working tonight.” He handed Kurt a small package who quickly shoved it into his pocket.

“I told you I am done with this!” I’m out. You can go and tell your boss that.” Kurt was fuming at this point but he was also starting to worry a little. He couldn’t get caught talking to Kyle by any of his friends, especially Puck.

“I can’t tell him that Kurt,” Kyle practically yelled at him before lowering his voice again. “You know what he’ll do to you if you don’t come back with the money. You saw what happened to Jimmy last month.”

Kurt knew exactly what he was talking about. This is the exact reason he needs to stay away from Blaine. He can’t let Blaine get hurt. He can’t let his Dad get hurt. He can’t let anyone get hurt.

“Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Good. He wants the money by tomorrow night.” Kyle turned around and walked straight out the front door without a second glance back.

Kurt knew who he had to look for to give him the money he needed and he knew exactly where he’d find him.

He went straight to the stairs but was met by Blaine.

“Kurt, who was that?” Blaine spoke in such a small voice that it almost killed Kurt knowing what he was about to do to this boy.

“No one Blaine. Don’t worry about it.” Kurt tried pushing past him but Blaine wasn’t having any of that.

“Don’t tell me not to worry Kurt!” Blaine yelled at him. “I have been worrying about you ever since that night I found you. You miss a day at school and I can only imagine what you’re out doing. I’m not stupid. I know that was the same guy from the other night. He scares you, I can see it. Just let me help you.”

“I don’t want your fucking help Blaine!” Kurt yelled back. He could see that some people, including some of their friends, were watching them with curious eyes but he couldn’t care about that right now. “Don’t you get it? I don’t need you around! You’re hot as fuck and that’s all you ever were to me. A challenge. I knew you wouldn’t give it up easily which made the chase all that much more fun.”

Blaine’s face almost broke Kurt’s heart. He didn’t mean anything that he was saying but he knew this was the only way to keep him safe.

“Kurt. You don’t mean that.” Blaine’s face was pleading and it took all of Kurt’s strength not to let his own tears fall.

“Do you seriously think I invited you here tonight so that you could have fun with your friends? I knew you’d never let me fuck you sober so I convinced you to come here but now I’m done wasting my time with you.” Kurt turned around and went straight up the stairs before he could see Blaine’s reaction. He didn’t want to have to hurt the boy but he knew there was nothing else he could possibly do to get him away. Away from Kurt was safe and that’s what he needed for Blaine, for him to be safe.

Kurt walked towards the bathroom which was of course locked. He banged on the door yelling to be let in. Eventually it was opened up by the person he was looking for.

“Hummel, wanting to join us again now are we?” Grant was McKinley’s biggest druggie and everyone knew it. Every party he’d be locked away in the bathroom doing whatever it was that he could get his hands on for that weekend. How he was still in school Kurt had no idea, but he didn’t care about that. He knew that Grant would buy everything Kyle had given him. He grabbed Grant and led him into Puck’s bedroom, thankfully it was unoccupied.

“Oh, so you’re after a private party. Well as long as no one finds out-“ Grant tried to grab at Kurt to kiss him who instantly pushed him back making him stumble onto the bed.

“Fuck off Grant. I’m not here for that.” Kurt really couldn’t believe that Grant used to be one of his regular fucks. He must have been really screwed back then. “How much do you have on you?”

“Right now, uh $450. Why, what have you got for me?”

“Two grams of ecstasy for everything you’ve got on you now. Take it or leave it.”

Kurt grabbed the bag out of his pocket and showed Grant the pills he was given to prove he had it.

“$400.”

“$450 or nothing.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Kurt knew he was going to crack, he always does.

“Fine, $450. You’re lucky your shit’s good Hummel.” Grant handed over the money, waited for Kurt to count it who then handed over the pills.

“Nice doing business with you Hummel, as always.” And then Grant was back out the door.

Kurt breathed out a long breath and then collapsed onto Pucks bed. Before he even had a chance to think about everything that had happened, his best friend slammed the door open.

“What the fuck were you doing with Grant, Kurt.” Puck started yelling at him. “Please tell me you were fucking him because if you even think about touching another drug again in your life I swear to God I’ll-“

“Shut up, it wasn’t like that Puck. I came in here to get away from Blaine and he followed me in wanting a fuck but I told him to piss off.” Kurt hated having to lie to Puck but he knew it was for the best. He’d told Puck months ago that he’d stopped dealing just to stop him from worrying. He knew that Puck would try and take matters into his own hands if he found out Kurt hadn’t been able to get out of it all and he couldn’t risk that.

“Yeah that’s the other thing. What the hell was that down there with Blaine. He looks like he was just told his parents died or something Kurt. Why did you say that shit to him man, none of its true and we both know it.” Puck went and lay on his bed beside Kurt, no longer yelling but just talking instead. “You like him Kurt and you had no reason to do that to him.”

Kurt was silent for a moment. He’d been thinking all day about what Puck had said earlier that morning about him actually liking Blaine. He didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to, but he couldn’t deny what was right in front of him any longer. He shared  things with Blaine that no one else knows about him. He likes spending time with Blaine. Yeah he thinks that Blaine is absolutely gorgeous and he’s never wanted a guy more than he does Blaine but what he likes about Blaine isn’t that he’s good looking. It’s everything else. It’s the way he doesn’t judge Kurt on his appearance or simply see him as someone to sleep with. It’s the way that Blaine sees Kurt for who he is and still wants to spend time with him. It’s the way he looks at Kurt with such adoration in his eyes that Kurt can only get lost in them. It’s the way that Blaine makes Kurt feel like he might be good enough for once. It’s the way that he trusts Kurt like it’s second nature. So maybe Kurt likes Blaine and that scares him to death, but he knows that he could never have Blaine. He knows that Blaine could do better.

“He’d be better off without me.” Kurt then stood up and walked out of his best friends room.

He went downstairs and outside to get some fresh air when he noticed Blaine and Sam not too far from him.

“Come on Blaine, you’ve had enough. Just give me the bottle.” Sam tried grabbing a bottle of vodka that Blaine was currently drinking. Already halfway empty. Kurt wanted so badly to go and help Blaine. To just hold him in his arms and never let him go but he couldn’t. His legs wouldn’t move and he was stuck in that one spot, not being able to do anything but watch the boy he was falling for try and drink away the pain that he had caused him.

“Piss off Sam. Just leave me alone.” Blaine turned around and spotted Kurt sitting there. He walked over to Kurt, stumbling a little and tried to grab his car keys out of his pocket.

He stopped for a moment when he reached Kurt and looked at him with disgust. “Screw you, Kurt.” He then continued on inside and Kurt watched as Blaine walked through the house and opened the front door. That’s when Kurt realised what he was doing.

“BLAINE!” Kurt ran after him, through the house and out the front door. He looked down the street and saw Blaine walking, car keys in one hand and bottle of vodka in the other. Kurt ran after him without even thinking about it.

“BLAINE!” Kurt reached him as Blaine turned around to face him.

“Go ‘way Kurt. I’m go-going home.” Blaine then turned the corner and walked over to his car.

“Are you an idiot Blaine? There is no way you’re driving like this.” Kurt swiftly snatched the keys out of Blaine’s hand and unlocked the door. “Come on, I’m driving you home.”

He tried to help Blaine into the passenger’s seat but was swatted away like he was some sort of bug Blaine was trying to get rid of. He walked around and climbed into the driver’s seat, started the car and drove away.

The ride back to Blaine’s house was silent and tense. Neither of them spoke a word and every time Kurt looked over at Blaine, he was looking out the window with a blank expression on his face. Kurt hated himself for what he was doing to him. He didn’t want to hurt him but he knew he couldn’t stay close to him anymore. It wasn’t safe and that’s all he wanted for Blaine, for him to be safe. He knew it was going to absolutely kill him not being able to talk to him every day, to have to see Blaine but not be able to have anything to do with him. Maybe one day he could explain everything and maybe Blaine would understand and forgive him but there was no way he could forgive himself, how could he ever even think that maybe Blaine would forgive him?

They arrived at Blaine’s house and they got out of the car and Kurt handed his keys back.

“Blaine I-“

“Don’t Kurt. Just don’t.” Blaine spoke in such a small and defeated voice that it brought tears to Kurt’s eyes, he then walked away and after a little fumbling around unlocked the front door and disappeared inside.

Kurt turned around and started walking. It was a good hour or so walk back to Puck’s from here but he was thankful for the silence and cool air. He wanted to be alone. It seemed that no matter what happened or who came along the universe wanted him to be alone and miserable and he was finally starting to accept that maybe that’s all he deserved.