It was finally the weekend. No school, no need to give explanations for not wanting to show up for class or glee or anything. No reason for Blaine to pretend to be okay.

His father was not happy with him skipping school, but Blaine guessed that his mother had a talk with him about it, and so he didn't hear about it again. He should've felt bad for it, but he was just relieved.

On friday, he went to his appointment with Dr. Gilbert; they reviewed Blaine's blood tests results together. Everything was fine, as expected. So Dr. Gilbert only prescribed a mild anti-depressive.

"We'll start small, see how it goes, and depending on how things go, we can increase or reduce the dosage or stop it altogether."

He suggested that Blaine continue to take the valerian root as well, because it would help him sleep better and help the process along faster.

Blaine wondered how long it would actually be before the valerian root kicked in. He just wanted to be able to sleep. He wanted to be able to get through the night without thinking about Kurt.

Blaine had not slept at all that night in New York. Neither had Kurt. And it was Blaine's fault.

He had wanted so badly to comfort him, to reach over and hold Kurt in his arms and soothe him to sleep, but he knew he had no right.

So he had just lay there, on his side, pretending to sleep, listening to Kurt cry quietly.

Since then, every night, all he could hear in his mind was Kurt. Kurt crying, heartbroken, and Blaine unable to do anything about it. Or rather, to undo anything.

So he was very surprised when, that Sunday morning, he woke up feeling well-rested. He vaguely remembered dreaming about Kurt, as he always did. This time, apparently, he had been able to rest in spite of it.

He felt a surge of hope. Maybe he was getting better after all.

He tried to create a routine of alternate therapies, as his doctors had suggested.

So each morning and each night, he wrote on his journal.

Each morning, he tried meditation.

And each morning, he put on his running shoes, and went out.

So far so good.

He left his iPod at home, and he ran for at least half hour, with only the sound of his shoes on the pavement as company.

He might be starting to feel better, but every song was still about Kurt.

Then suddenly it was monday again.

He knew that he had to go to school. His father wouldn't have him skip a single day more.

Blaine groaned a little as the alarm went off, and forcefully threw the covers off and rubbed his eyes.

Getting out of bed was almost as hard as it had been for the past three weeks.

Almost, but not quite.

Deep breath, he said to himself, as he sat up, grabbing his journal and a pen. One step at a time.

Blaine walked into the choir room. All eyes were suddenly on him, but only for a second. Everyone soon reassumed the chatter. There was a new guy sitting with Marley. How long had Blaine been away?

"Blaine!" exclaimed Mr. Schuester. "So glad to have you back. Feeling better?"

Blaine fidgeted, walking to the front.

"Sorry I'm late," he replied simply. Mr. Schuester handed some music sheets to Brad, the piano man, and smiled.

"It's okay. We were just about to start." Blaine bit his lip hesitantly.

"Can I make a brief announcement first?"

Mr. Schue seemed to sense the tone in Blaine's voice.

"Sure. Kids?"

The others slowly fell silent and turned to the front. Blaine felt his stomach churn with nerves. It took him a moment to find his voice.

"I would like to apologize to all of you for my behavior the past couple of weeks," he started, his voice unusually breathy. He almost felt like throwing up. "I know I've been acting weird, and I know that some of you might be wondering why," he continued, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I've been... dealing with some stuff, I still am."

"What do you mean?" Tina asked.

"I'm... I wasn't doing so well, so I sought professional help, and I'm currently undergoing treatment for depression."

Brittany's hands covered her mouth. Tina and Sam exchanged wide-eyed glances. Artie stared agape.

Blaine took a deep breath. "The truth is, I wasn't handling Kurt's absence very well, and I did something... really stupid. And it's been hard. I made a huge mistake." He swallowed again, feeling the burn of tears behind his eyes. "But I'm working on fixing it. I'm trying to get better. I just needed to sort things out on my own, for a while, so I'm sorry that I've been..."

There was a hand on his shoulder. "Blaine, it's okay," Mr. Schuester said.

"Are you guys okay?" Tina asked worriedly. Blaine shook his head slowly, his eyes brimming now.

"No. No, it's... we're... we're not together anymore. I... hurt him. And I don't really expect him to forgive me."

Brittany got up from her seat, tears streaming down her face, and walked up to Blaine and hugged him.

"Blaine Warbler, I feel your pain," she said softly.

Blaine wrapped his arms around her and hugged back as hard as he could.

"What's it like?" Sugar asked.

"What's what like?" Blaine asked in response.

"Being medicated."

Tina shoved Sugar slightly. It was lunchtime, and Sugar, Artie, Sam, Brittany and Tina sat with Blaine in the courtyard, speaking in hushed voices. At least they weren't pretending that everything was okay. Now they knew, and they cared.

"It's okay, Tina," he said. "Honestly, I'm not sure. I just started this weekend. I'm guessing it takes a couple of days to feel a difference."

"But you're still gonna be you, right? You'll still be Blaine Warbler?" Brittany asked.

Blaine gave a small chuckle. "I hope so." He noticed Brittany staring at him worriedly, so he nodded a little more confident. "Yeah, Brit, I'm still gonna be me."

"Have you felt somewhat better since you started?" Artie asked.

"A little. It's been really comforting talking to someone about everything."

"Like you couldn't talk to us?" Sam said bitterly.

Tina rolled her eyes. "Sam, I think we're the least qualified people to try to help someone with relationship problems."

"No, he's right," Blaine said. "I should've talked to you guys. I just didn't know how. I was too caught up in my own head, and I was afraid that you would all judge me and turn against me."

Tina shook her head. "We should've asked. You've been so distant lately. We should've known something was wrong."

"Does Kurt know?" Artie asked.

"That I'm going to therapy? No, he doesn't."

Sam and Tina exchanged a look.

"But... what if someone told him?" Sam asked.

"I haven't spoken to him in all this time." Blaine looked at both of them pointedly. "Have you?"

They looked at each other again, until Sam sighed.

"Look, I'm really sorry," he started. "I might have told him. I was worried about you, and I didn't know you guys had broken up."

Blaine stared at them curiously. "But... you didn't know either."

"Well, I... I saw you, coming out of the office," Tina stammered.

"And I asked Kurt if he knew anything about that," Sam added. Blaine started shaking his head.

"I-"

"I'm sorry, man. You weren't talking to any of us, and I was worried about you." Sam looked so embarrassed. "You know, Kurt's my friend too, and I just... I thought he'd want to know that you had, you know, that you have been... not yourself."

"We should've talked to you first," Tina interjected.

"I should've known something was wrong from his reaction," Sam said.

"He was going to find out eventually," Blaine shrugged. "Did he say anything?"

"He just seemed confused. The last time we texted, you hadn't come to school in three days. He said he would talk to you and find out what was wrong, and I assumed everything was okay."

"Yeah, he did call me. Or tried to. I didn't answer."

"Why not?" Sugar asked.

"I didn't want to lose track of what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm trying to get better before I do anything, before..." He sighed deeply. "I just don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I'm trying to make things right so that I can try to get him back, or I should just try to move on."

His friends looked at one another.

"Whatever you decide to do, we'll help you," Tina finally said, patting his leg. Blaine tried to smile, but failed miserably.

"So you told your friends?" Dr. Franco asked on their next session.

"Yeah," Blaine said, sitting down.

"Good for you. And how did they react?"

"They were a lot more supportive than I would've expected."

"Then maybe you don't give them enough credit."

It was the first session of the week with Dr. Franco. Blaine had been taking the anti-depressive medication for four days now, and he wasn't sure if it was all in his head, but he did feel slightly more energetic, and a lot less gloomy. Or maybe it was everything he had been doing.

"I've followed your advice."

"And?"

Blaine took a deep breath. "I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel."

"That's great," Dr. Franco smiled again. "What have you tried? Exercise? Meditation? Free-writing?"

"Actually all of them. I've been keeping a journal as well."

"Good. Maybe you can show it to Kurt one day."

Blaine nodded uncertainly. "Sure."

"I think I'm going back to McKinley."

Blaine tensed. He and Kurt were on Blaine's bed in his dorm room in Dalton, studying. It had been a little over a month since Regionals, since Blaine had taken a leap of faith and told Kurt, and they had kissed, and they were now together, and wanting to spend every second together.

And suddenly this.

Kurt must have felt him tense, since he was using Blaine's stomach as a pillow. He looked up at him.

"I haven't really decided yet, though."

Blaine tried to look normal and calm. "How come?"

Kurt put his notebook down and sat up, facing Blaine.

"I had a meeting yesterday with Coach Sylvester and my dad, and... Karofsky and his dad."

Blaine's eyebrows lifted.

"I know," Kurt said. "We talked. I mean, Karofsky and I talked, because most of what he said during the meeting was complete bullshit. He confessed that Santana got him to agree to all of it, to start the Bullywhips and meet with me, and she's helping him reform himself, and all so that I can go back."

"So... this is all Santana's doing, not Karofsky's?"

"Apparently. She obviously knows about him too, and she's blackmailing him. I'm not entirely sure of her whole agenda, but I have to admit, I'm a little touched." Kurt smirked.

Blaine tried to smile as well.

"But you're gonna be okay, right?" he asked. Kurt nodded slowly.

"Yes, I think so. I mean, my dad's freaking out. But he said it was up to me."

Blaine grinned. "He's just worried about you. Your dad loves you."

"I know."

"So... you're thinking about it."

Kurt shrugged. "I am. You know I like it here; I met you here. But let's face it, I don't really fit in. As much as I feel safe and appreciated... I really miss my old friends. And I admit it, I miss fighting tooth and nail with Rachel for solos. Does that make me a bit of a masochist?"

They laughed together.

"No, it just makes you really brave," Blaine answered. Kurt looked at him.

"So... you'd be okay with it?"

"You're really asking me?"

"Of course. I know we just started going out, but I really like you, and I care about what you think."

"I already told you that I'd be okay with it, my only issue was Karofsky. I guess that's taken care of."

"I'll be fine. But I just wanted to make sure that you're okay with it too."

Blaine had no idea. He had never had a boyfriend before, and he hadn't had the chance to learn how to cope with distance, no matter how small and temporary.

And Karofsky? He didn't quite like the idea of that guy being in the same building as Kurt.

He glanced down. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kurt's open Chemistry notebook. There were a few doodles on the margins: 'Blaine' with a little heart to dot the 'i', Blaine+Kurt, K+B...

He smiled to himself, then gave Kurt a broader one.

"I think we can handle it," he said. "And your friends obviously miss you too. Besides, how can New Directions ever win Nationals without you?"

Kurt laughed lightly and hugged him. Blaine's smile disappeared.

They'd still see each other every day, but he was still a bit sad. No more hanging out in each other's dorm rooms after school hours; no more sitting together in Warbler meetings; no more spontaneous kisses or hand holding as they walked through hallways where no one looked at them disapprovingly.

Kurt pulled back and stared at him. "Are you sure?"

Blaine didn't answer. Instead, he kissed him. After this, there would only be a handful of places where they could kiss in private.

Kurt kissed him back, and Blaine relished the sound and feel of it all. He had to enjoy it while he could.

The truth is, he was afraid. He feared that he had gotten too comfortable with the idea of having his boyfriend right there all day, and if the dynamic changed, then Kurt would soon realize it was just too much trouble, and that it was good while it lasted...

He deepened the kiss, gently pulling Kurt down by the back of his neck, until Kurt's chest was flush against his.

"Mmmwe're supposed to be, mmmstudying," Kurt mumbled against Blaine's mouth.

Blaine just kept kissing him."I'll study when you're gone," he whispered, intertwining their fingers.

"Mmm, it's against the dorm rules," Kurt said, breathing harder.

"It says something about this in the dorm rules?"

"Of course."

"Huh," Blaine said, smiling mischievously. "It's our last chance to break the rules, then."

Kurt giggled. "Maybe just a little bit."

That was one of the main reasons for which Blaine decided to transfer to McKinley.

He wanted to face the public high school demons that haunted him for more than two years.

He wanted to feel like he wasn't a little overprotected bird in a cage.

But most importantly, he wanted to see Kurt's face every day, even if they didn't get to do the things they could in Dalton, or feel as safe.

"I can't stand to be apart from the person I love."

That was true. But he had made it sound so romantic. When in reality, the distance and time apart had been killing him.

Here he was scared and he felt completely different, unsafe, without his uniform, without the Warblers, without the elegant halls and strict private school policies.

McKinley was an alien place to him. The students were too loud and free-willed. The teachers were too apathetic. Still no one cared enough. Things weren't any different than they were two years ago.

But it was worth it.

It was worth putting up with all of it, with feeling like he didn't fit in. Because at the end of the day, he had Kurt. He belonged with Kurt. That was all that mattered.

While everyone celebrated 'West Side Story's opening night at Breadstix, Blaine and Kurt were wrapped up in each other's arms, all naked bodies slick with sweat and bedsheets tangled in their legs.

It was everything that Blaine had expected and more. It was a little messy and wonderful and awkward and amazing. It was perfect.

He listened to Kurt's soft breathing, feeling the falling and rising of his chest against his own. His left foot had gone numb, but Blaine didn't care.

He drew patterns on Kurt's back with lazy fingers, and kissed his forehead lightly, over and over again.

Kurt drew a long breath and his eyes fluttered open slowly, shifting against the side of Blaine's body.

"Hey," Blaine greeted him. "How are you?"

"Fantastic," Kurt said hoarsely. "You?"

Blaine grabbed one of his hands and intertwined their fingers.

"I'm just really, really happy right now," he whispered.

Kurt smiled, biting his lower lip bashfully, and kissed Blaine. They stayed like that for a very long time. Blaine could've stayed like that for the rest of his life.

"Blaine?"

Blaine snapped out of his trace, and turned to look at Dr. Franco.

"You spaced out there for a moment. Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

Blaine shrugged. "I was just... trying to remember what it was like to feel happy."

Once again, the hour was drawing to a close. Which was good, because suddenly all Blaine wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed and sleep.

He was weary. He spent the entire session talking as briefly as he could about Kurt's transfer back to McKinley, and junior prom, and summer vacation, and his own transfer to McKinley, and trying to fit in with the rest of New Directions, and Sebastian Smythe, and his first time with Kurt, and the bubblegum ring he gave Kurt for Christmas, and Sebastian and the Warblers being assholes and nearly blinding him, and Karofsky's suicide attempt, and Cooper's return, and the whole incident with Chandler and Kurt texting each other, and Kurt nailing his NYADA audition and then inexplicably failing to get in, and the seniors' graduation, and Sectionals, Regionals and Nationals and all the drama in between.

It was like reliving the emotional roller-coaster that had been his junior year. When he finished talking, he was exhausted. Dr. Franco, on the other hand, didn't seem at all fazed by the amount of information.

"Blaine, do you consider that you have a good opinion of yourself?"

Blaine shook his head slowly. "Not right now."

Dr. Franco paused. "I think your depression stems from a low self-esteem," she started. "It's clear that you have difficulty seeing yourself in a positive light, in spite of all your good qualities. You're a good student, smart, good-looking, kind, responsible, talented, well-mannered, mature... But I think that your sexuality, and the fact that you were bullied for it, and that your family's behavior toward you changed when you came out, all those things have played a big part in it."

Blaine took a moment to gather his wits.

"Yes," he said, not knowing what else to say. Dr. Franco sat forward.

"When you transferred to Dalton, it's just like you said. You felt safe, but it was like an illusion, because you knew that the outside world doesn't work like Dalton." She took a deep breath. "The problem was that, once you left Dalton, you also stopped having the acceptance and appreciation that you had there. You encountered your friend Finn, who wasn't so friendly at the beginning, and then even the Warblers suddenly weren't so friendly to you anymore; you were now in a school where you didn't feel safe. You faced a lot of rejection, even from Kurt."

"Yes," Blaine repeated in a low voice.

"You didn't know how to cope with it, because you didn't perceive that you had any issues with your self-esteem. Back in Dalton, you fitted in, you were part of the team, and everyone looked up to you."

"Yes."

"So when you encountered problems, your insecurities got the best of you. You wouldn't even admit that Kurt was as smitten with you at the beginning as you were with him. And when he refused to have sex with you because you had been drinking, you shut down; you got defensive."

Blaine just nodded.

"A lot of us have these insecurities, especially when we're teenagers, and sometimes our entire lives," she continued. "But when a low self-esteem turns into a self-destructive behavior, then it's a problem."

Blaine swallowed the lump in his throat.

The next days at school were not as awkward as Blaine had foreseen, but there was still some things he'd have to get used to.

His friends tried to act natural around him, but there were still a few overly-sympathetic glances and smiles in his direction. The new kids were nice, but he got the feeling that they thought he was crazy, and that made him feel a little worse too. And if that cheerleader Kitty spewed any more bullshit around him, he might just hit a girl.

But as the day progressed, he realized he wasn't as tired as he used to feel. He had regained some of his appetite, and since he was resting better at night, he could focus more during class.

Still, he couldn't bring himself to smile; he couldn't chatter like he usually would; and everyone knew not to push him into joining in the spontaneous group numbers during glee club.

One time, though, the newest guy, Ryder, made a really funny joke about something that happened during football practice, and Blaine almost laughed.

He almost did.

"Would you tell me about Eli?"

Blaine tensed. This was the part he had been dreading.

"There is nothing to say. I'm never seeing or talking to him again," he said sourly.

Dr. Franco took a deep breath. "We do have to talk about this. I know you don't want to, but it's important." She peered at him over her reading glasses. Blaine didn't understand why she wore reading glasses when she never read anything during their sessions. She didn't keep notes; it was like she actually memorized everything he had said from the beginning.

"Come on, let's get that out of the way, shall we?"

Blaine took a deep breath too, rubbing his palms on his jeans. He felt his stomach churn.

"How did you two meet?" she asked. Blaine took a moment to answer. He had done so much to try to forget everything, and now he was supposed to remember it all again.

"He started working at The Lima Bean, right after Kurt left. He came in to replace Kurt, in fact."

"So you still go to the Lima Bean often? Is that how you met?"

Blaine nodded, eyes fixed on the coffee table. "Yes. He was always offering me free beverages and stuff, and I kept turning him down."

"Until you didn't."

"I just... I kinda liked the attention."

Dr. Franco breathed deeply. "You told me that you once got really angry at Kurt for texting with a guy, and he too said that he just liked the attention. But it didn't go further than that. Also, you told me that you texted for a long time with Sebastian Smythe, even though you knew he was attracted to you and he was very bold in his advances, and even knowing that he was hostile toward Kurt and that Kurt didn't like him. You stayed in touch with him up to the point where he tried to hurt your boyfriend."

"Sebastian is a stuck up jerk, I know that now," Blaine said bitterly.

"It's clear that you don't know how to handle other people's attraction toward you. You don't know where to draw the may think you're just being polite, but it's your insecurity kicking in."

"Now, in Sebastian's case, it didn't escalate to any kind of intimacy, because you had Kurt. Why do you think that, as soon as Kurt was gone, even though you were still in a committed relationship, did you let it escalate with Eli?"

Blaine looked like he was in pain. "I didn't really plan for it," he said. "I just felt really lonely."

"Maybe you felt you had passed to a second plane in Kurt's world, and that it was basically over."

"It's just that, every time we finally got the chance to talk, he'd go on and on about how wonderful New York is, about Vogue, and I tried to be supportive, but for once I wish he had supported me," Blaine said. He realized he was getting worked up over it. "I was there with him during his run for Senior class president. When I won this year, I couldn't even tell him, because he wouldn't pick up his phone."

"I understand that. We all need validation, especially from the people we love. But he was going through a lot himself. Starting in a new city, it's scary. That doesn't mean that what you were going through, and your accomplishments, were any less important."

"Yes," Blaine said wearily.

"What exactly happened with Eli?"

Blaine looked down at his lap, his cheeks and neck feeling warmer.

"I met up with him, at the Lima Bean. He was just finishing his shift, and he invited me over to his house. We were going to watch a movie, and that's it." He took a shuddering breath. "One thing led to another, and he started kissing me... and... I didn't stop him."

He blushed beet red, determined not to meet Dr. Franco's eyes.

"He... he started blowing me," he said in a very small voice. "And I was really turned on all of a sudden, but all I could think about was Kurt."

Hot tears spilled from his eyes before he knew it. There was a horrible burning sensation in his chest and his throat. He didn't want to remember it, but he felt like he was reliving it all of a sudden. Hands, strong hands, pushing his hips down, and hot breath all over his groin. The hands touched him everywhere, every part of his body, and he shivered at the touch. There were lips closing around him over and over again, and he shut his eyes hard, biting his lip, afraid to speak or make any noise.

All he could think of, with this guy, this overeager strange guy moaning around him, was Kurt.

"I wanted to get off. But I just felt so weird. It didn't feel good. Because it wasn't Kurt."

He wiped his face furiously with the butts of his hands, rubbing his eyes a little too hard.

"So I stopped him. But it was..."

"Too late?" Dr. Franco offered somberly. Blaine nodded, swallowing his tears.

"I left as soon as I stopped feeling like I wanted to vomit."

There was a pause as Blaine tried to regain his composure.

"Has he tried to contact you since?"

"Yes," Blaine replied, conveying his frustration. "Once or twice, and then I guess he gave up. I haven't seen him working at the Lima Bean either. Though I've only been back there once."

Another short silence. Blaine felt himself calming down little by little.

"Did you always intend to tell Kurt what had happened?"

Blaine stared sadly at his hands.

"I should've booked the tickets then," he said weakly. "I should've just focused on the plan of going earlier, of surprising him in New York, instead of answering those texts from..."

Dr. Franco nudged a glass of water in his direction.

"When you told Kurt, how did he react?"

Blaine woke up, tired beyond anything he had ever felt, his head thumping. He had barely slept at all.

He stayed very still, straining his ears to listen. He looked over his shoulder and saw Kurt's side of the bed was empty.

There were faint voices coming from the living room area. The metal door clanked open and shut, and then there was silence.

Blaine sat on the edge of the bed, and willed his body to stand up. He had to find Kurt.

Kurt was alone in the living room, slouched in a chair, in the dim light of a single lamp.

As soon as he saw him, Blaine felt his heart plummet to his feet. Kurt looked weary. His eyes were heavy, and he looked like he was doing everything in his power not to fall apart.

Blaine moved forward minutely, and Kurt's eyes were suddenly on him, staring hard at him.

The silence seemed to stretch, as Blaine tried to think of something, anything to say.

But it was Kurt who spoke first, after what felt like a long time.

"I can't do this," he said in a faint, watery voice. "I thought I could, but I can't."

Blaine took a hesitant step forward. Kurt didn't move. Blaine slowly, carefully, crossed the living room, and sat beside Kurt. He placed a hand on his boyfriend's hand.

"Kurt."

Kurt was up like a spring. He shuffled noiselessly to the kitchen, and stood at the table. Blaine watched him, trembling, watched his breathing get so worked up that his shoulders heaved up and down.

Kurt suddenly turned around.

"You told me to come to New York," he started, angry tears pooling in his eyes. "You said you'd be okay. You said you'd come here too in a year, and that it would be just like we wanted."

Blaine stood up as he spoke, bridging the distance between them again. He tried to grab Kurt's hands, hold them in his, but Kurt flinched away, his face contorting with pain, as if he had just been physically hurt. His tears spilled.

"Kurt, please."

"Don't touch me. I can't even look at you right now," he said brokenly, turning away again.

"Please. We can work our way over this, Kurt," Blaine said, his own eyes filling with tears. He followed Kurt, trying to get him to stop moving and to look at him. "I love you, you know that, and I know you still love me."

"No, right now I don't know." Kurt covered his face with his hands and sobbed into them. "Ugh, I just keep picturing you with some faceless guy..."

Blaine was crying now, just as hard as Kurt.

"Kurt, it meant nothing. It can never mean anything. You're the only who means everything to me."

"Please don't touch me," Kurt pleaded, struggling to get away from Blaine, but Blaine didn't listen. He grabbed Kurt by the shoulders and held him in place. Kurt crumbled to the floor, but Blaine just knelt in front of him.

"You once said that you would never say goodbye to me," he said, taking Kurt's hand and trying to kiss it, before Kurt pulled it away and tried to push him.

"What the hell did I know?" he sobbed. "I also once thought that you were the one person who would never, ever hurt me. And look at where we are now..." He sniffed and looked at Blaine, his face slightly calmer. "I don't know you at all."

"You don't mean that."

Kurt's face turned stony, his eyes peering into space. The tears still flowed freely from his eyes.

"I think you should go."

"Please, Kurt," Blaine cried. "I love you, I love you more than anything, more than myself. I can't be without you."

"Are you sure about that? It seems that you've been trying," Kurt's voice was strangely even and deep.

"It was a stupid mistake! It never should've happened!"

Kurt looked at him once more, looking numb.

"Well, you should have thought of that before you decided to break my heart and destroy everything we had... on a whim."

Blaine stood up, watching Kurt hugging his knees to his body, and tried to contain the sobs racking his body uncontrollably.

Half an hour later, Blaine had changed out of his pajamas and put everything in his bag, and called a cab to take him to the airport. He called the airline to confirm his flight, all along trying not to think about Kurt, still on the floor of the kitchen, sitting in the dark, waiting for him to leave without saying goodbye.

"Kurt?"

Rachel poked her head carefully into Kurt's room, and found him sprawled on his stomach, on top of the bedspread. He was still in his clothes, and Rachel's heart sank, realizing that her friend was in a real funk if he didn't care that his pants and shirt were getting awfully wrinkled.

"Are you sleeping?" she asked dumbly, though it was obvious he wasn't. His head was tilted to one side, eyes staring into nothing, in the fading daylight pouring though the open window.

"No," he answered, his voice half muffled.

"Are you ill?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine."

"Fine, I lied."

"What happened?"

There was a pause.

"Blaine cheated on me."

Rachel winced. She no longer knew how to deal with Kurt's situation.

"I know that," she simply said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I just thought something else had happened, since you seem particularly down right now."

"Did I ever tell you that, last Christmas, he gave me a promise ring?"

She blinked in confusion. "What?"

Kurt opened his left hand, revealing a red jewelry gift box. Rachel snatched it up quicker than she had intended, and opened it. Inside was the cutest hand-made ring with a bow tie. She almost aww'd, but kept herself in check.

"It wasn't an engagement ring. Just a promise," he said flatly.

"What was the promise?"

Kurt sighed. "It doesn't matter anymore. He broke it. He broke all the promises."

Rachel closed the box carefully and placed it back in Kurt's hand. "Then why do you still have this?"

Kurt slowly rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. She noticed the redness in his eyes.

"Because it's all I have left," he said softly. "Because a part of me refuses to acknowledge that it's over. And I just don't know how to get rid of it."

"Then don't," Rachel started. "Kurt, you know they say time heals all wounds-"

"You can't just-"

"Wait, wait, don't... just hear me out." She took a deep breath. "I know that Blaine hurt you badly. I know that there is no excuse for what he did. But you haven't had the closure that you need to start moving on, or to forgive him or something. Right now, you're just stuck. I think you need to talk to him, I think it's been long enough that you can have a conversation about this, sort everything out."

"What if I don't want to?"

Rachel caressed his hair. "Of course you do. You do."

Kurt closed his eyes and rolled over again, so that his head was now resting on Rachel's lap, his arms snaking around her waist, and she smiled a little as she continued playing with his hair. She wished there was a way to make it all better, but at least she got to do this.

"Look, I'm meeting Brody for dinner. Would you join us?" she offered. Kurt didn't move or reply.

"It's nothing fancy, and he won't mind. Please?"

Still no response.

"Come on, Kurt, don't lie here in the dark and wallow, I hate seeing you like this. Please?"

Without a word, Kurt finally sat up in bed and sighed heavily.

"I look a mess," he said simply.

"Nonsense. You're gorgeous. You'll be the perfect arm-candy," she joked.

Kurt chuckled lightly, but he didn't smile.

"You're still doing 'Grease', right?"

Blaine glanced at Sam, while Sam put his name on the list for the musical tryouts, and gestured for Blaine to take the pen.

"I don't think so," Blaine said, shaking his head lightly.

"But you're so good. I heard you were really good in West Side Story last year. And you need this for your curriculum for when you apply to NYADA. You're still applying to NYADA, aren't you?"

Blaine shrugged dismissively. Sam sighed.

"Blaine, you don't give up on everything just because you broke up with your boyfriend."

Blaine turned to Sam squarely, frowning. Sam seemed to sense he had made a blunder.

"I didn't just break up with my boyfriend, it just so happens that my life is kind of on hold right now," Blaine practically seethed. "I've been in a funk for years now, even when I was with Kurt and I thought I was okay. Now that I ruined everything good that I had going on, I need to deal with it once and for all, so that I can move on with my life. Sorry, but I don't feel like I have time to rehearse the Hand Jive. I barely feel like I can function properly."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," Sam said, looking genuinely remorseful. "I'm just trying to be supportive."

Blaine sighed. "I know."

They headed to Biology. Out of the corner of his eye, Blaine could see that Sam was fighting the urge to say something else.

"You don't have to try out for Danny Zuko, you know," Sam finally said. "You could be another character, a minor character."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "I don't think so."

"And I didn't mean to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal. I know that Kurt meant a lot to you."

Blaine suddenly felt very tired again.

"He meant everything to me."

There was an awkward silence.

"Um, I forgot to tell you," Sam started.

"What?"

"He's coming back for Thanksgiving."

"He is?"

"You know, with Finn back in Lima, Carole's kinda making a big deal of it."

Blaine didn't say anything as they entered the Biology classroom. He sat down, trying to ignore the churning of his stomach.

"You're gonna be okay? Should I have kept that a secret?" Sam asked quietly. Blaine shrugged.

"It's fine, Sam. It's just... it is what it is."

It was so strange being back in The Lima Bean after all this time. It wasn't really that long, but it felt like ages. So much had happened since he had last been in Lima. He felt like a completely different person.

He thanked the barista briefly as he grabbed a cardboard tray to carry the three coffees back home. He gave one last glance around the place. No familiar faces. The place was usually busier on Sundays. He guessed people didn't really want to brave the cold.

Kurt thanked the nice older man who held the door open for him, and walked out into the crisp, chilly mid morning.

"Crap," he said under his breath, shivering a little. He had to get his car keys out of his pocket. He stepped over to the nearest bench and sat down, putting the coffees down on the bench seat in the space between him and the person sitting on the other end.

He did a double-take.

"Blaine?"

The young man on the bench glanced around at him.

"Hi," Blaine said, looking slightly, but not overly, surprised.

"Hi," Kurt replied, sounding a bit more shocked than he would've liked.

Blaine relaxed visibly, as if he had been holding his breath. "You- are you back for Thanksgiving?"

"Um, yeah... my boss was nice enough to let me come earlier, to avoid the chaos in the airports. Her family lives in Columbus, so she knows how it is."

Blaine nodded again. Kurt stared at him, studying him. He didn't look any different.

"How have you been?" he asked. Blaine gave him a tight-lipped smile.

"Good."

"Really?"

"No. You?"

Kurt licked his lips. "I've been better."

Blaine stared intently at his coffee.

"I'm sorry that I didn't answer your calls," he finally said.

"Oh, so that was deliberate."

"I... was surprised. I didn't know what to say." Blaine shifted awkwardly in his seat. "I don't know what to say now, I didn't expect to see you, let alone have you talk to me."

"You're really going to therapy?" Kurt asked hesitantly. Blaine tensed.

"So you know?"

"You are, then?"

"Yeah."

"Are you medicated?"

Blaine nodded. "A little. It scared me at first, but it's actually been really helpful. I no longer feel so much like I'm continuously falling down a bottomless pit."

He sounded a little too light. Kurt suddenly had a lump in his throat.

"Is is that bad?"

Blaine finally met his eyes again, and they stared at each other painfully.

"Isn't it? I lost you."

Kurt felt the lump grow hotter and bigger as he watched Blaine try to keep his composure.

"You were the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I screwed that up. I need to understand why I did it, why I destroyed everything. Because I can't let it happen again. I've gotta fix things. I can't just sing a song anymore and make it right. We're past that," he said with a small, mirthless chuckle.

Kurt couldn't talk, but Blaine only paused for a moment, his face growing more and more painful.

"I know you probably can't trust me anymore, ever again; I don't trust myself, either. I've got to work on things. I might have a bigger problem, and I need to get to the root of it, so that I can get better."

"Blaine..." Kurt whispered, but he still didn't know what to say.

"I'm going to work on myself. I'm trying to do things right. I'll get better, I promise. And..."

Blaine suddenly looked away, like it was finally too much. His face contorted with pain and sadness, and he looked back at Kurt, the tears finally overflowing.

"I never meant to hurt you, Kurt," he said with great effort, his voice uneven. It was like a trigger for Kurt, who was suddenly crying as well. "I'm really sorry. I love you more than anything. I-"

He stopped talking, wiping the tears quickly and taking a long, shuddering breath, eyes closed.

"I can't do this right now," he said, shaking his head. "I want you back more than anything, but I can't ask you to take me back right now. Even if for some reason you would consider it, I wouldn't deserve it. I need to get better first. I need to do this right, so that you can hopefully forgive me someday, but only because I actually deserve your forgiveness. I need to deserve you again."

Kurt was crying freely now, quietly. He nodded in agreement, trying to find his voice. "Okay."

Blaine swallowed hard. He stared at Kurt for a moment, while trying to calm down.

"God, you're beautiful," he said softly.

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, crying even harder.

Blaine finally stood up, grabbing his empty coffee travel mug, and turned to Kurt. "It was really, really good to see you again," he said with a sad smile.

"You too," Kurt nodded.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Kurt."

Kurt watched Blaine walk away quickly toward his car, as if he were at risk of turning back.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Blaine," he said softly back, even though Blaine couldn't hear him anymore.

"Hey, buddy, what took you so long?" Burt's voice greeted Kurt as soon as he entered the house, accidentally slamming the door with his hip because his hands were full.

He followed the voice to the kitchen. Carole was doing the dishes and Burt was helping her with the drying. Kurt set the coffee tray on the breakfast table and sat down.

"Oh what happened? Why are you crying?" Burt asked as soon as he saw his son's face.

Kurt shook his head dismissively. "It's okay. I'm fine. I think."

Burt and Carole both stopped what they were doing and came around to him, somewhat alarmed.

"What happened?"

Kurt sighed deeply.

"I... ran into Blaine."

Burt's face turned stony. "Huh."

"Dad."

"No, no, I know. You're a grown man, you can take care of yourself. But just out of curiosity, should I go over and bash his head in, perhaps?"

"Burt," Carole muttered.

"No, nothing like that," Kurt replied, slightly touched by his father's protectiveness. He took a deep breath. "Blaine's been going to therapy."

Burt and Carole made the same, raised-eyebrow face.

"Wow," they said simultaneously.

"Yeah. Apparently he's been going since we..." Kurt swallowed hard. "He apologized, and he said he wanted me back, but he said that it's no longer a matter of singing a song to make me forgive him, it's something he has to work on for a while. So he's going to therapy."

Burt seemed at a loss for words. Carole interjected.

"Well, that's... very admirable of him. I mean, how many teenage boys seek professional help after a breakup."

"It's not just a breakup. He cheated on you," Burt said, sounding a bit annoyed.

"Dad."

"I mean, it's not like they're married or anything, but still... He broke your heart."

"I know," Kurt shrugged. "But I appreciate the fact that he's not taking this lightly."

"Yes," Carole said a little too enthusiastically. "It's good. Even if you might not get back together, he's being smart and sensitive and mature, and working on his problem... So mature for his age..." she muttered, shaking her head in disbelief.

Kurt nodded with her. "I know that I'm still hurt, but I can't help caring about him still, and worry about him. And if he's having problems, then I'm really glad that he's trying to do better."

"Of course," Carole said, rubbing her stepson's shoulder comfortingly.

"Hey, Kurt, these things take time, okay?" Burt said, no longer sounding so gruff. "Remember when you and I went to therapy, after your mom died? It's one step at a time."

Kurt looked at his father affectionately. He hadn't realized how much he had missed him.

"Yeah, I know."

There was a brief silence, before Carole cleared her throat.

"Um, Kurt, why don't you go rest while your father and I finish with the dishes? We better hurry, or the coffees will get cold."

She kissed the top of Kurt's head before heading back to the kitchen sink. Burt followed her. Kurt grabbed his coffee and headed toward the stairs. He stopped.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"If for some reason I do eventually forgive him, would you be okay with that?"

Burt hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath before answering. He glanced at Carole for a moment, but she was suddenly very focused on scrubbing a pan.

"Look, I'm always gonna want to protect you, and I want what's best for you. But I know you're smart. Kinda stubborn, but really smart. At the end of the day, it's your decision. And I just want you to be happy." He pointed a warning finger at him. "No rush."

Kurt chuckled lightly. "Just curious," he said, before heading upstairs to his room.