Chapter Six

Life's not as easy as it seems

It feels like the saddest song,

Nothing can stop us now

Feels like a kiss on the mouth.

"We don't have to...I can just...on the cheek..." Blaine sputtered, and he saw that Kurt was looking at him with nothing less than kindness, smiling as he leaned in and patted Blaine's shoulder.

"Don't," Kurt shook his head, crossing his arms and smiling kindly at Blaine. "Please. You don't have to...make this awkward. It's mistletoe. I'm sure Carter would understand," he shrugged, and Blaine really couldn't think of a reason why he was telling himself not to kiss Kurt, so he leaned in, feeling Kurt's hand slide up his arm and around his neck, and something just snapped within him at the far-too-tender motion.

He was barely aware of himself anymore, only feeling the soft, wet, hot slide of Kurt's mouth against his own, and even though neither of them would let it go farther than just lips on lips, Blaine knew without a doubt that he was still as in love with this man as he'd been five years ago and it was scary and overwhelming and perfect.

"Blaine," Kurt moaned against his mouth, pulling away, and Blaine realized that yeah, that had gone too far for mistletoe, but Kurt pulled him into a hug and Blaine went willingly, forehead pressed to Kurt's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I don't know..."

"I know. It's okay," Kurt whispered, sounding right on the verge of tears, and Blaine sniffed and clutched at Kurt's shirt, because maybe for once it actually was.

000

Things with Kurt got easier after that.

Not perfect, not by any means, but they're falling back into old habits quickly and soon they're as comfortable around each other as they were when they were seventeen, friendly touches and shared jokes, and Blaine feels a part of him start to heal that he'd thought would never be fixed.

New Year's Eve was upon them quickly, and soon enough he was standing on Rachel's front porch with Kurt and Finn, a little wary because he hadn't seen anybody since high school, but Rachel opened the door with as much flair and excitement as she always had. She took one look at Blaine and squealed loud enough to wake up the whole neighborhood, throwing her arms around him while Finn tried to slink by them unnoticed.

He was led in with Rachel babbling on and on, and the welcome he got from everybody was surprisingly warm. Maybe Puck and Sam had warned them, he thought as the blond nodded to him and raised his glass of...whatever he was drinking, but when Kurt shoved a flute of champagne into his hand he didn't protest.

He ended up next to Santana on the couch, the dark-haired woman raking her eyes over his form before she leaned back and smirked.

"Well, long time no see, Frodo. Get lost in the depths of Mordor without your Sam to guide you out?" she looked knowingly across the room at Sam himself before snickering. "Or just too good for your little Lima friends anymore?"

"Santana, it's not..."

"I know. Kurt," she rolled her eyes but he could tell she was only joking with him. "Everything comes back to him, doesn't it?"

"I'm in love with him," Blaine replied with a shaky laugh of his own. "I've never stopped loving him."

"You're so sappy it's disgusting," she replied, but when he sighed heavily and leaned his head on her shoulder, she didn't push him away. "I've heard his new guy's kind of a dick."

"That's what everybody says."

"Well, point for you, then. You might have a dick, Anderson, but you aren't one," she smirked and raised her eyebrows and he groaned. "Why would Hummel shack up with a douche, though?"

"I don't think he is," Blaine said. "I mean, I talked to him for all of two minutes, but I think everybody just...doesn't think he's right for Kurt. That doesn't mean he's a bad guy," he added, and Santana nodded thoughtfully after a moment or two.

"I guess," she conceded, looking up as Kurt basically toppled into Blaine's lap, obviously a little tipsy.

Which was odd, because Blaine had never seen him drunk. He'd always been the designated driver when they'd gone anywhere with alcohol, but from both the rather giggly nature he was stuck in and the flush on his cheeks, Blaine was willing to bet he'd had more than one glass of champagne already.

"Hey," he murmured, sitting up a little but still in Blaine's lap, and Santana snorted.

"Speaking of, you boys getting your mack on a midnight? It's an Old-New Directions New Year's Tradition," she raised an eyebrow and Blaine winced.

"Santana, he's..."

"Doesn't matter. So'r some other people, but the rule is if you're in this house, in this party, when the clock strikes twelve? You're kissing somebody," she looked positively evil now and Kurt nodded.

'It's...it's true. The last few years I had to kiss Brittany because...because there weren't any other gay guys. But now there is!" he said happily, snuggling against Blaine, and Blaine was starting to see that this could get really, really bad.

"Yup, so you two pretty ponies had better be having a tongue-war at midnight or Auntie 'Tana's going to spill champagne on Hummel's shirt here," she pointed and Kurt whined, tucking his face against Blaine's neck.

"Don't let her ruin my clothes, Blaine."

"I...I won't," Blaine glared at Santana, who raised her glass in return, and he really needed people to stop trying to get him and Kurt back together.

000

11:59.

Blaine looked at the clock, looked to the television where everybody was counting down with New York, looked to Kurt still perched in his lap and smiling rather tipsily at him, and realized he had no way out.

Not that he wanted one, really, but this was all a little too good to be true, and when the ball dropped Kurt was leaning in before he could process it and this time Blaine didn't let himself hold back.

He'd had a bit of champagne also, and maybe that was skewing his judgment, but when Kurt's tongue pressed against his lips he opened them.

Everything was a little hazy after that, all tongues and teeth and roving hands, but by the time he realized that maybe they were both more drunk than they realized his hands were firmly settled on Kurt's ass and Kurt's were clenched in the front of his shirt.

He broke away with a gasp, meeting Kurt's eyes that were as wide and incredulous as his own, and he heard Puck give a rather obnoxious wolf-whistle and saw that the room at large (of course) seemed to be happy about this.

"Thanks," Kurt shrugged, finally hopping off his lap and staggering over to grab some snacks, and Blaine let his head flop onto the back of the couch and wondered just how fucked one man could get.

"Yeah, I think he still loves you," Santana patted his thigh and Blaine sighed.

"He's engaged."

"Doesn't mean a damn thing, Frodo," the woman assured him. "Now get up and dance with me."

So Blaine did.

000

The next morning he woke up to a body pressed up against him in bed and momentarily panicked before he heard Kurt mumble something in his ear, and then everything came rushing back.

The party. The kiss. The fact that Blaine was the only one sober enough to drive.

The fact that somehow in getting into the house they'd all ended up downstairs in the guest room, Finn crashing on the floor with a pillow and an extra blanket and Kurt, apparently, deciding it was okay to share the bed.

"Morning," Kurt groaned in his ear, much too close, his arm around Blaine's waist and his fingers splayed across the other man's chest. "Hmm, Blaine..."

Blaine sighed, because at least Kurt was aware enough to know who he was. "Yeah?"

"...You're warm," Kurt mumbled, and great, apparently slightly-hungover-Kurt was clingy. "I'm sorry if...last night, if that was too much, I just..."

"It was," Blaine said honestly, because he saw no use in lying. "It was, Kurt, because you're engaged," he snapped, and Kurt groaned and hugged him tighter.

"I know. I know, Blaine, but I'm...really confused lately," he admitted softly.

"I'm sorry," Blaine knew it was maybe pretentious to think that Kurt's confusion was about him, but then, he knew well enough that it probably was.

Kurt laughed, nosing at his neck, and his hand on Blaine's chest curled inward a bit, fingertips skimming over Blaine's worn sleep shirt. "It's just...do I want to marry somebody I'm afraid to bring home because my entire family and circle of friends seem to think he's horrible?" he asked softly, and Blaine shrugged, unsure what to say.

"It's not up to them, Kurt. It's up to you," he said honestly, and Kurt 'hmm-ed' thoughtfully.

"I suppose. But I'm just...I've been doing a lot of thinking, and you...will you listen to me?" he asked, and Blaine nodded without even thinking about it. "Okay. Can you turn around? It's a little strange talking to the back of your head," Kurt sounded wryly amused and so Blaine did, flipping over and wow, this was much too close, but Kurt cuddled closer to him again.

"Okay. Talk," Blaine prompted, Kurt furrowing his brow for a second before beginning.

"Carter isn't really my friend. And I thought...we have enough in common, being NYADA students and all, but lately I've come to realize that I could hardly call him a friend. I always promised myself that when I got together with somebody, when I...fell in love with somebody, it wouldn't be just because I found them attractive. It would be because I could tell them anything, because I could trust them with my life, and because they'd be more than just somebody who was good in bed," he tangled his legs with Blaine's and shrugged as Blaine urged him to continue.

"Right. Well. Finn was...obviously the wrong sexuality, but the other things applied. I trusted him not to hurt me, I told him things I'd never told anybody about my mother, and he did the same with me. Obviously we weren't compatible, but I wasn't in love with him because he was the first nice guy to me. I recognized that he wasn't perfect and that didn't change my feelings. They evolved, and now I love him as a brother and a friend, but if he'd been an utter jerk to me I never would have been attracted to him," he continued, surprisingly eloquent for being slightly hung-over, and Blaine nodded again.

"I get that. And I'm glad you have him."

"So am I," Kurt admitted with a soft smile. "But it was the same for us. Best friends who became something more, and thankfully this time you were as attracted to me as I was to you, even if you were utterly oblivious to begin with," he tapped Blaine's nose and Blaine snorted because yes, he had been.

"So you're saying it wasn't like that with Carter?"

"No. We were cast in the same musical one semester and so we talked a bit, found out that we were both gay and both loved musicals and theatre and some of the same television shows, but that was...thinking back? That was it," he sighed. "And thinking about it now? That's a little sad," he admitted, and he was just so close that Blaine could count the light freckles across the bridge of his nose, see every fleck of blue-grey-green in his eyes.

"Well," he took a breath, realizing that Kurt wanted him to say something. "It's...it's up to you. I mean...if you break it off with him, will you miss him? Would you...miss having him around, or could you make it clean and go your own way like nothing had happened?"

And Blaine saw the realization in Kurt's eyes and tried not to grin too widely, because everything was finally starting to come together.

"You know, I don't think I would. He's a nice guy, but I...apparently I've been an idiot," Kurt laughed grimly, tightening his hands around Blaine's waist and looking relieved. "Thank you. I...for listening, for being there, for being somebody that, try as I might, I can't let go of," he said the last bit teasingly and Blaine smirked. "Should we get up, or..."

"It's early," Blaine groped for his phone, seeing that it was in fact really early.

"It is," Kurt agreed. "And I know as soon as I stand up my stomach and head will decide to rebel, so more sleep it is," he snuggled closer still, humming under his breath. "You know, we never really got to do this when we dated. Just...wake up together."

"With your dad being overprotective and my parents wanting me to play straight? No," Blaine agreed.

Kurt didn't say anything else, but his fingers tightened a little in Blaine's shirt and he tucked his head under Blaine's chin, eyes fluttering shut and an utterly content smile on his face.

Blaine didn't know what this meant, if Kurt was breaking it off with Carter or not, but he had a feeling that things were about to get even more complicated.