Chapter Seven

I was just a boy like every other

Love would be something that I’d just know

How’re you gonna know the feeling ‘til you’ve lost it?

I’ve been losing plenty since.

I’m alone in this, I’m all as I’ve always been

Right behind what’s happening

Their last few days in Lima passed quickly, and Blaine was more than a little relieved to know that he lived really close to Kurt and Finn so visiting them in New York wouldn't even be a chore. 

He'd managed to get tickets on the same flight with them heading back and the day they drove back to Columbus both Burt and Carole had hugged him and told him he was welcome anytime, and he knew he was going to take them up on that offer because, strange as it sounded, he did miss Ohio at least a little bit. 

The ride back was uneventful, Kurt half-dozing on his shoulder because he hated plane rides, and Finn kept shooting Blaine knowing glances although Blaine wasn't going to get into it with him. 

No, he and Kurt weren't anything.  Two easily excused kisses meant nothing to an engaged man (although Blaine did note with some smugness that Kurt hadn't worn his ring the entire time they'd been in Lima). 

They drove back to their street, Kurt hugging him tightly and telling him to come over whenever he wanted to, and then Blaine was back in his cold, dark apartment which felt even colder and darker after the warmth and companionship he always felt at the Hummel-Hudson house. 

Still, he had school in the morning and needed to see about booking the studio for Finn, Sam and Puck, so he warmed up a can of soup and crawled into bed, hugging his pillow and hoping that one day it might be Kurt he was holding instead.

000

He should have known it was inevitable, but one day about a week later he was running over to Kurt's to ask if he wanted to go out for coffee, and instead of Kurt or Finn opening the door, Carter was standing on the other side. 

"Oh," Blaine stopped, unsure what to say or if Carter remembered who he was, but the taller man gave him a rather weak smile and shrugged. 

"Kurt's not here," he said, looking a little put-out, and Blaine took a step backward. 

"Okay.  I thought if he was, we could..."

"Look, Blaine," Carter was still frowning down at him and Blaine gulped, because he didn't want to get into a fight with Kurt's fiancé, but... "I'm sure you're a good guy, and you've been good for Kurt.  But he spent two weeks with you at Christmas and I've barely gotten to see him since he got back, so I'm going out for dinner with the man I'm going to marry tonight, okay?" he bit his lip when he was finished, like he thought he was being too rude, but Blaine had to admit he had a point.

Kurt wasn't his.  Kurt would never be his again, and he couldn't try to barge into every element of Kurt's life because he felt entitled somehow, like he was making up for lost time. 

"I understand.  Don't worry.  I'll...call him another day," he smiled brightly and turned around, the smile sliding off of his face instantly when he went down the stairs and out onto the street.

He knew he shouldn't feel this way, because Kurt wasn't obligated to him at all, and the last thing he wanted to do was cause some sort of rift between Kurt and Carter.

Still, it hurt, and he ended up wrapping himself in a blanket as he sat on his couch watching television and absolutely not checking his phone to see if Kurt had decided to message him.

He never did.

000

They got into the studio another week down the road, and Blaine hadn't heard from Kurt at all despite a few messages he'd sent off asking if the man wanted to meet for something. 

He didn't know if Kurt was mad at him, or if Carter had something to do with all of this, but he also knew he had to just...let go, so when Finn, Puck and Sam came in he was all smiles, keeping it professional and impersonal so they could lay down a couple of tracks.

They were good, but he already knew that, and even though Puck was easily distracted by both the studio itself and the fact that a lot of people walked by the windows (Sam 'accidentally' swung his bass into Puck at one point when he was too busy drooling over some college girls to sing his part), Blaine was pretty satisfied at the end of the day and told them that they'd only need a couple more sessions to have enough done for a demo record.

"Awesome," Finn held up his fist for a fist bump on the way out.  "We're getting drinks.  Come on," he didn't phrase it as a question so Blaine would have felt rude declining.  As it was, he shut everything down and grabbed his coat, leading them across the campus to the local bar (not the one he worked at, he spent altogether enough time there) and when they were settled, Finn leaned across the table.

"Spill.  What's up with you and Kurt?"

"Nothing," Blaine said defensively, hands wrapped around his glass as he regarded the other three.  "I went over to your place about a week ago and Carter told me to leave because he and Kurt had barely spent any time together since he'd gotten back to New York, and I've texted him a few times since then and he's never replied," he shrugged, not sure what else he could say.  "So I have no idea what's going on with him, but I'm making my efforts."

"Really?" Finn looked surprised.  "I mean, not that he's said much, but I kinda thought that...you were ignoring each other again.   He's been kinda mopey all week."

Blaine shook his head, looking down at the table because he didn't know exactly what to say to all of this.  "Not that I know of.  I know he's getting my messages, but unless..." a sudden thought struck him and he didn't really want to voice it, but the others were all looking at him curiously.  "Has he...been spending more time with Carter lately?" he asked cautiously, and Finn nodded after a moment. 

"Yeah.  Pretty much every night, actually.  D'you think he's, like, jealous?  That you're spending so much time with Kurt?" he leaned forward and Blaine sighed, not wanting to say it but the thought had definitely crossed his mind.

"He's like way too possessive," Sam replied, frowning.  "I mean, yeah, he should be able to spend time with Kurt, but not like run his life, y'know?"

There was silence after that, all of them lost in their own thoughts, and Blaine finished off his drink and started to get up, not sure what else to say.

"Hey!" Finn stopped him and he looked over curiously as the taller man stood up.  "Come by tomorrow afternoon, okay?  Carter has classes and Kurt told me he's working from home on some designs so...he won't have any excuse," he smiled and Blaine thought that it was underhanded, thought that he should tell Finn he was interfering again, but he couldn't bring himself to because this was truly what he wanted. 

"Okay," he agreed, relaxing a little bit and they fell into easy conversation after that. 

000

It didn't stop him from being nervous when he knocked on Kurt's door the next afternoon, because it Kurt really was mad at him for some reason he should probably keep his distance, but before he could debate too much it opened and Kurt stuck his head out, his features easing into a casual smile. 

"Hey," he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Blaine and Blaine returned the hug, sighing against his shoulder.  "Sorry I've been..."

"I know," Blaine cleared his throat.  "Carter basically accused me of monopolizing your time and I figured he'd..." he stopped, because he wasn't sure how to say that without making it seem like he thought Carter was seriously overstepping his bounds, but Kurt laughed quietly. 

"I'd figured, when he said you'd stopped by.  But honestly, I've got to finish all the costumes for the show for next week and I'm so behind because of Christmas," Kurt moved back a little.  "Come in, though.  I'll make some coffee and you can watch me sew and swear at the sewing machine if you have nothing better to do," he sounded like he really wished Blaine had nothing better to do and since he really didn't this was more than okay with him. 
"Nothing pressing," Blaine admitted.  "And coffee sounds great," he added, moving into the space and taking his coat off before he sat at the makeshift table Kurt had set up to do his work on.  "Can I help?"

"Mm," Kurt was digging through the cupboards for some coffee beans, which he took out, and he readied the coffeemaker as he replied.  "Sort those swatches by color?  Just...general piles, I don't need shades or anything," he mumbled, continuing his work as Blaine started to parcel out the rather generous pile of fabric scraps. 

He heard the grinder start and looked up as Kurt came over to sit down, waiting for the coffee to finish.  "I am sorry, Blaine.  I haven't been...ignoring you on purpose.  But juggling you and Carter and work and things Finn wants me to do with the band is just...overwhelming," he admitted.  "But I should have called."

"Don't worry about it," Blaine reached out without thinking and placed his hand on top of Kurt's, holding it there when the other man didn't seem to be bothered by it.  "I get it, Kurt.  I just worried that I'd done something wrong again."

"You...God, no," Kurt shook his head with a smile.  "You've been...perfect, actually, and I promise from now on I'm going to get out at least once a week so we can do something.  And you can stop in whenever.  Carter may hold some grudge against you for things that are years in the past, but this is my home and if I say you're welcome, you are," he said firmly and Blaine had to smile. 

"Thanks, but I think I'll avoid coming around if he's here.  Just...it's uncomfortable," he laughed nervously as the coffeemaker beeped and Kurt got up to fill the cups, bringing them back and setting them on the table. 

"I don't blame you," Kurt sighed, taking a sip of his coffee before he started to work, and Blaine realized that he could never be bored even if all he was doing was just staring at the other man. 

000

It was nearing dinnertime when Blaine noticed Kurt was nodding off, head bobbing closer and closer to the table as his fingers kept working, and he gently set his hand on Kurt's wrist.

"Hey.  I think it's time for a nap," he murmured, lifting Kurt's hand away from the sewing machine so it could rest in his lap. 

"Can't.  Deadlines, I need to..."

"Kurt, you're either going to stab yourself with the needle or sew something crooked because you're falling asleep.  Let's watch some TV or something, okay?" he urged, and Kurt nodded before he stumbled over to the living room and flopped on the sofa. 

Blaine cleaned up the coffee mugs and tried to put some order into the scraps of fabric again before he joined Kurt, the other man having clicked onto some home-buying show and watching it through half-lidded eyes. 

"Sleep," Blaine said quietly, prepared to get a blanket for Kurt before he left, but Kurt's fingers brushed his arm and he shook his head, wordlessly patting the sofa and Blaine was powerless to resist. 

He sat down cautiously, not even flinching when Kurt curled into him and rested his head on Blaine's chest. 

"Thank you," he whispered, tightening his fingers in Blaine's shirt.  "Sometimes I just need somebody to...to stop me when I can't stop myself.  I..." he yawned again and Blaine laughed, holding him closer and trying to tell himself that this was only friendly. 

"Of course.  That's what I'm here for," he whispered, getting a 'hmm' in return before Kurt was asleep, and Blaine felt his own exhaustion from worrying over Kurt's silence in the last week sweep over him as his own head bobbed lower. 

He barely had the capacity to finally grab that blanket from the back of the couch and tug it over them, shifting so that Kurt was lying on his chest, before he was sound asleep.