For the next few days, things between Kurt and Blaine were uncomfortable, to say the least. Blaine hadn’t given Kurt an excuse for why he had run away - anything he’d tried to come up with sounded ridiculous, and anyway, he didn’t want to lie. That night in their dorm they’d both kept their heads down over homework, Blaine doodling in the margins to stretch it out, and had ended up going to bed a good half hour before lights out. They existed on the furthest fringes of each other’s worlds for almost four days straight - which Blaine found difficult because despite what was going through his mind, his body still had the same reactions to Kurt’s presence.

Kurt seemed to have decided that if they weren’t going to talk about what had happened, they weren’t going to talk at all. Kurt had always been a little closed off - that was part of the reason Blaine had fallen for him so quickly, because he wasn’t an open book he could skim and then put back on the shelf - but Blaine now had no idea how to breach a topic that wasn’t how sorry he was and Kurt probably wouldn’t have been all that responsive anyway. The longer he left it, the less Blaine could think of to say other than the truth - “I’m sorry, I just feel so much whenever I’m around you that it terrifies me.”

When they’d woken up on Friday morning, Kurt had almost looked like he wanted to tell Blaine something, but he’d stopped himself. All day, Kurt watched him with wide, sad eyes, which made Blaine think that maybe Kurt wasn’t even angry at him - but that only served to confuse him more. He felt like he should apologise, but it had been long enough since it had happened that Blaine literally had no idea how he would go about doing that. But if Kurt wasn’t even angry at him, did he need to apologise at all? Blaine wanted things to go back to how they’d been before - he just wished he knew what he had to do to get there. Sure, he’d been having a sexuality crisis, but at least the guy who was making him question everything he’d ever thought about himself had been speaking to him.

That evening, Blaine was just finishing up at the weekly yearbook committee meeting - yet another extra-curricular he was only in for the sake of being able to put it on college applications. It was dark and freezing cold, the wind so strong it was rattling up the staircase of the North building - the building directly opposite the dorms, where Blaine was now heading.

He purposely trailed behind the group of boys that worked on the yearbook with him and who were also heading back to their dorm rooms, giving him more time to mentally prepare himself for spending another evening with Kurt in stony silence. He needed to make things right - he missed making Kurt smile, and he didn’t think he could spend a whole weekend in a room with him without cracking, going completely insane - or at least, more insane than he already was - and having everything spill out.

He was just trying to to find an idea for how to start the conversation he knew he needed to have that he hadn’t already dismissed, when he noticed that he and the other yearbook boys weren’t alone on the quad.

Kurt was sitting on the ground, back against the rough brick wall of the dorm room, legs pulled up to his chest with one arm wrapped around his knees, the other holding a greeting card. He was illuminated by the light spilling from the windows above him, and visibly cold, shivering without even his blazer to protect him from the wind. This image tugged on Blaine’s heartstrings more than anything else had - Kurt sitting out here all alone in the dark, freezing and lonely.

Kurt had not yet noticed Blaine - and probably wouldn’t if he sped up his pace a little and lost himself in the group of boys in front of him - but Blaine didn’t do that. Somehow, his feet ignored what he was telling them to do and listened to his subconscious, carrying him towards Kurt.

Blaine walked towards him slowly. ‘Kurt?’ he called.

Kurt started and gasped, looking up at his approaching figure. ‘Blaine?’ he called back, his voice cracked and breathy.

‘Yeah, it’s me. Look, Kurt, I know you’re probably mad at me right now, but I really need to talk to yo - Kurt?’ As Blaine got closer to Kurt, his face was thrown into better light and he could see that his eyes were red and puffy. ‘Are you okay?’

‘What? Yeah, I’m fine - I - I’m fine,’ he stuttered, hastily rubbing his eyes with the cuff of his shirt.

Blaine’s face softened, and it took all the self-restraint he had to not pull Kurt up into his arms and wipe away his tears, reassure him that everything was going to be okay. ‘Why have you been crying?’

Kurt blinked back a few tears and then rolled his eyes - not the reaction Blaine had been expecting. ‘It’s stupid,’ he muttered under his breath.

‘It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset,’ Blaine said, crouching down beside Kurt where he was curled up on the ground so they were at eye level with each other.

Kurt stared at him for a second, looking surprised to find him so close, then sighed. ‘It’s my birthday today,’ he said.

‘It is? Happy birthday!’

Kurt gave him a slightly watery smile. ‘Thanks. I was going to tell you this morning... but then I didn’t. Obviously.’

Blaine saw the opportunity there - the mention of the fact that they hadn’t been talking, because something had gone wrong between them, because Blaine had been an idiot. Here was a chance to tell him why, but before Blaine could muster up enough bravery to say anything, Kurt continued.

‘And... it’s been kind of a bad one, to be honest. Which is all my doing - I didn’t tell anyone about it. But... I don’t know. I thought the universe was meant to give you a bit of a break on your birthday? But that didn’t happen, I mean...’ Kurt waved the card he was still holding up in front of them.

‘Hey, you got a card at least, right?’ Blaine said, silently praying that he’d keep talking. This was the most open he’d ever seen Kurt.

‘It’s from my family back home. It’s all that’s from my family back home,’ he said miserably.

‘Oh...’ Blaine couldn’t meet Kurt’s eye. ‘Maybe they got you something really big? Something they couldn’t send, I mean,’ Blaine suggested half-heartedly.

Kurt shook his head. ‘They would have written in the card, though, wouldn’t they? If they’d done that?’

Blaine couldn’t say Kurt was wrong about that one. He stared at Kurt’s perfect profile with furrowed eyebrows, willing his brain to come up with something, anything, that would make this a little better.

‘I’m just kind of scared I’m losing them, you know? My dad and I got on really well, but I don’t think he really... understood me. Or that he knew me. At all. I wasn’t really that open with him about what was going on in my life. He only found out about how bad of a time I was having at school because I came home one day and I couldn’t come with a lie about why I had a huge bruise on my arm fast enough.’

Blaine felt his stomach turn at the image of Kurt bruised and broken and scared, and hiding it, and he wondered exactly how bad it had gotten, and why. Why could anyone have possibly wanted to hurt Kurt, beautiful, amazing, talented Kurt, his Kurt, that badly?

‘I just feel like, maybe, coming here and being away from home... he’s just completely forgotten what type of person I am. I know it’s only been a couple of months but... my dad was just a normal guy growing up. I’m not. He liked football and beer and had girlfriends. I like singing and baking and... clothes.’ Kurt huffed out a laugh at himself. ‘That isn’t normal. That’s weird. And wrong and stupid and bad.’

‘You’re not weird,’ Blaine said quietly.

‘What? What did you just say?’

Blaine started, not aware he’d said that out loud. ‘I - I said you’re not weird. Or... or stupid, or bad, or any of those other things. You’re just... Kurt.’

Kurt stared at him again. ‘Sometimes I wonder about you, Blaine Anderson.’

Blaine stared back, trying not to let the nervousness he was feeling show on his face. What did that mean? Wonder what? Had Kurt guessed? ‘W-what... what do you mean?’ he stammered.

Kurt shook his head to himself and laughed bitterly. ‘You know what? I really don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.’ He sighed. ‘Bad day, like I said. I don’t know what’s going on.’

Blaine smiled, but he couldn’t quite reassure himself that Kurt didn’t suspect something, or know more than he let on. ‘Well... it’s okay. We’ve still got a few hours left. We can at least... try to end on a good note?’ Blaine suggested.

The corner’s of Kurt’s mouth quirked up at the sides at that. ‘Yeah? How are we going to do that?’

‘Well...’ Blaine looked down at the ground. ‘First off, I’m sorry for Monday.’ He glanced up at Kurt from under his eyelashes. Blaine didn’t try to offer an explanation, but Kurt didn’t really look like he needed one.

‘Me too,’ Kurt said with a sad smile.

‘What? Kurt, you didn’t do anything wrong,’ Blaine said, reaching out to take Kurt’s hand before catching himself at the last second and pulling back.

‘No, no - I danced with you. And then I grabbed you and practically pressed myself up against you,’ Kurt laughed. ‘I just... forget some guys aren’t as comfortable being touchy-feely with other guys as I am.’ Kurt looked up with penetrating stare.

Blaine knew this was his chance - correcting Kurt here was the perfect opportunity. But - but he couldn’t. Couldn’t get the words out. Instead he said, ‘Well that’s not your fault, Kurt.’

Kurt sighed and reached up to take the hand that was still only inches from his own, giving it a quick squeeze before dropping it again. ‘Well, for what it’s worth, I wish it hadn’t happened like that.’

Blaine smiled, and Kurt raised his eyebrows at him.

‘Well if that was first off... what’s next?’ Kurt asked teasingly.

‘Okay... well second off...’ Blaine grabbed the card from Kurt’s hand with a smile. He stood up and Kurt scrambled to his feet too.

‘What are you doing?’ asked Kurt, sounding incredulous and amused.

‘I think you’re underestimating the... the beauty, the simple elegance of the birthday card, Kurt. Especially this one,’ Blaine said, putting on a lofty voice.

Kurt giggled, but stopped and resumed a serious expression when Blaine turned to face him, playing along.

‘I mean...’ Blaine continued. ‘Who would want a... a book... or a baseball...’

‘Or a car...’ Kurt supplied, the effort he was making not to laugh clear in his voice.

‘Exactly! Or a car - when you could have a birthday card as incredible as this one?’ Blaine finished.

Kurt grinned at him. ‘You know what? I think you’re right.’ He made to take the card back off Blaine, who immediately redoubled his grip on it and pouted. Kurt dissolved into a fit of laughter, leaning back against the wall for support, his shoulders heaving, and Blaine couldn’t help but smile at that.

‘No, no, no, you can have it,’ Blaine conceded. ‘I suppose it is your birthday, after all.’ He held the card out to Kurt, who seemed to have gotten his laughter under control.

Kurt considered it with a serious expression for a second, then looked Blaine in the eye and shook his head.

Blaine mouthed an overly incredulous ‘What?’ at him. ‘You mean to tell me I’ve failed you sell you on just how excellent a birthday card can be?’

Kurt smiled again, but didn’t laugh. ‘Not at all,’ he said, the breathy quality returning to his voice. ‘I can just think of something I want more.’

Blaine cocked his head to one side in curiosity.

‘Perfect,’ Kurt breathed as he leant forward.

Blaine froze as Kurt’s nose brushed against the side of his gently before Kurt moved his mouth to cover Blaine’s. The kiss was light and chaste, and before Blaine could even get over the shock, before he could kiss him back or wrap his arms around him, Kurt was pulling away.

Without even thinking about it, Blaine reached out and cradled Kurt’s face in his hands for a second before tugging him back towards him. Kurt made an indignant noise at the back of his throat, but Blaine didn’t care, because a second later Kurt’s lips were back on his and Blaine was kissing him back this time, his trembling lips pressing urgently against Kurt’s. Kurt was right there in his hands, and he was warm and tasted the way he smelt - except now it was more intense and infinitely better - and his fingers were pressing into Blaine’s waist through his blazer again.

Blaine felt his heart hammer again in a scarily familiar way, the way it did whenever he thought about Kurt in a way he knew he shouldn’t. It asked him what he thought he was doing, demanded an answer, but Blaine pushed it away. So many times he’d let it overtake him, and he hadn’t acted, but now he was acting on it, on everything he felt, and it was fantastic.

This wasn’t wrong - how could anyone think this was wrong? Because he was kissing Kurt, he was finally getting to hold him close like he’d wanted, and Kurt was wrapping his arms around Blaine tighter now, pulling Blaine’s bottom lip between his and - oh God. What the hell was he doing?

He took a hurried step back, bringing a shaking hand up to press at his mouth. Kurt looked surprised at his abrupt retreat, unconsciously reaching out for his waist again, trying to draw him back in. ‘Blaine, it’s okay,’ he murmured.

Blaine shook his head. ‘No. No, it isn’t.’

Kurt looked affronted, then angry, then hurt, all in the space of about half a second, but the hurt was the one that stuck. His eyes looked lost, and his mouth was drawn up into a tight line, and it made Blaine’s chest physically ache to see him like that - to know that it was his fault. He couldn’t bear to see the boy he loved looking like - wait. What?

Loved? Had he really just thought that?

Kurt was still staring at him, and his lower lip had started to shake. Loved.

He didn’t love Kurt.

He liked Kurt - Blaine had accepted that. But that could be passed off as admiration, because Kurt was so talented and gorgeous. Or as them just being very, very, very good friends. At it’s very worse, infatuation; just a stupid crush.

But love meant - love meant you valued the other person’s well being over your own, that you’d do anything to protect them. It meant that you’d follow them anywhere and not want to leave them, no matter what happened or what the world thought. It meant that all you ever wanted to was to make them happy - forever.

Blaine couldn’t let himself imagine a forever with Kurt. Because people would find out. People would know and -

No. Blaine couldn’t - Blaine couldn’t do this.

‘I - I’m -’ He started to apologise, then stopped, realising it wouldn’t make a difference - he was still running away again. He took a few stumbling steps before Kurt reached out for him again. ‘No - no wait. Blaine, Blaine. Come on, just -’ Kurt pleaded.

‘No,’ he said to Kurt before he turned around. ‘No,’ he repeated to himself as he hurried away.