Kurt walked into the apartment building, his head fuzzy and stomach in knots. He knew he was making it worse for himself by coming here first. But if he wanted to do the right thing, then he was doing things in the correct order. It wouldn't be fair to the other person if he didn't...

Thankfully he remembered which door was the right one even though he had been here only once. It didn't help that the one other time he had been drunk as hell. Cathy hadn't supplied him with an apartment number even though he was sure the records or the contract would have had it. But it didn't matter now, he was here. Taking a deep breath, he looked at the time. It wasn't very long after five and he hoped he hadn't beaten him home. Kurt still had a lot to do tonight.

He allowed himself one last moment of peace before raising his fist and knocking on the door with the top of his knuckles. The sound echoed hollowly and Kurt bit his lip, thinking maybe he had beaten him home. The sick feeling in his stomach doubled, now that he had set his plan in motion he had to keep it in motion or he would talk himself out of it. It couldn't be put off any longer, Kurt knew it was always going to come down to this.

Raising his hand to knock one more time before he gave up and went to the other address first, he heard fast steps approaching the door. Kurt figured the man inside had been changing out of his work clothes, probably not expecting him so soon. The door unlocked from the inside and quickly swung open.

Blaine stood in the doorway in a pair of old gray sweats and was still in the process of pulling a tee shirt onto his head. Even though he knew he shouldn't, Kurt watched those few inches of skin quickly disappear under the shirt. He tried to not look too longingly, that would just make everything more difficult.

"I-I wasn't expecting you so soon," Blaine stammered and Kurt lifted his eyes off of Blaine's waist.

"Can I come in?" Kurt avoided having to say anything to Blaine's statement.

"Of course," Blaine said quickly while backing away from the door and opening it more widely. While looking around he could see the disorganization of a man living by himself, but the apartment was still clean and welcoming. Kurt was still drawn to the space, how open and bright it was, complimented with the dark furniture.

"You really have done a lovely job with this space Blaine," Kurt said softly, stalling for as long as he could. He didn't want to do this.

"That means a lot to me coming from the Kurt Hummel," Blaine teased, and Kurt assumed that he was feeling the dark cloud that was hanging in the air. Kurt gave an attempt as a smile, but he knew it was weak.

Seeing this, Blaine stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Kurt's shoulders, dropping his forehead into the crease of Kurt's neck. For the first time in a long time, Kurt didn't return the embrace. Instead he leaned away from it, this was already going to be hard enough.

Sensing Kurt's discomfort Blaine quickly dropped his arms and took a few steps away from him. He was looking at him nervously, waiting for Kurt to say something, anything. Kurt's body felt cold, empty inside, his heart was beating but it was echoing around his whole body like a drum in an empty auditorium. Why did he have to do this?

"We," Kurt started, losing his voice for a moment, "we need to talk."

Blaine's shoulders drooped and his head hung forward, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "Nothing good ever comes after that, does it?"

"No, not really," Kurt said, smiling sadly.

"Do you want a drink or to sit down or something before we...talk?" Kurt noticed that Blaine's voice was shaking slightly, his Adam's Apple bobbing.

"I can't. I can't really stay too long..." he trailed off.

"I thought you were-" Blaine stopped talking as he eyed Kurt's empty hands, "not spending the weekend here."

Kurt opened his mouth but all that came out was air and a little bit of noise, his hands waving around trying to articulate something that words couldn't.

"I know. We need to talk," Blaine said again, his voice still wavering.

"I'm so sorry Blaine," Kurt's voice was already starting to crack and he hadn't even told Blaine anything yet.

"What's going on Kurt? You need to talk to me, I'm going out of my mind here," he said pathetically, eyes starting to swim in a film of water.

Kurt took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself in anyway for what was going to happen. Whatever it was, he knew he was doing the right thing. He had to keep reminding himself because every time Kurt heard that tremor in Blaine's voice he wanted to call this whole thing off. And putting it off longer did neither one of them any good.

"S-Seeing you, with my family today, really opened my eyes-" Kurt's voice was now shaking too.

"We've worked our way around your dad before, we can do it again," Blaine interrupted him quickly, "you heard Carole, he'll come around eventually."

"It-It wasn't just my dad. I know how unfairly I have been treating you." Blaine opened his mouth to protest but Kurt held his hand up, "let me finish. Please?" Once Blaine had nodded Kurt took another deep breath and allowed himself to continue.

"I-I care about you, so much, Blaine. But a part of me can't help but think that it's too late for us. That we already had our chance and we're just fooling ourselves to make this," he gestured between the two of them, "work." Kurt had to take another deep breath before he could continue.

"That being said, I don't want to give up on it. Because I have never felt something so strongly for anyone else in my life and I don't think I ever will." By this point Kurt's voice was thick and heavy, his eyes physically burning to hold back the tears.

"We'll make it work. Don't give up. You can't give up," Blaine's voice was just as thick, a few tears running out of the corners of his eyes.

"Don't you see though! Look at what I'm putting you through! I can't do this to you anymore! It hurt's too much to see you in so much pain," tears were now following freely and Kurt didn't have mind to stop them.

"I need to figure myself out Blaine. I can't keep putting you through this, I care about you too much to keep hurting you. This is something I have to do," Kurt tried to sound more confident in his decision than he really was.

"Kurt," Blaine's voice broke and he took a step forward, "no. You-You can't. I love you so much. Isn't that enough?"

"Of course it's enough!" More tears rolled down Kurt's face, "But this isn't fair to either one of us. I refuse to pull you around on a string anymore."

"I don't care!" Blaine cried, his voice rising, "I love you! I'll do whatever you need me to do. Just don't-don't leave me."

"Please," Kurt begged, "I can't keep doing this. Us. Not like this."

A sob came out of the back of Blaine's throat. It was one of the worst sounds that Kurt had ever heard in his entire life, full entirely of pain. Blaine's head was hanging again, looking miserably down at the floor, his shoulders quaking steadily. Kurt chose to look up at the ceiling as the tears flowed down his face in streams. He wanted so badly to scoop Blaine up in his arms and tell him everything would be okay, but he didn't know if it would be anymore.

"Is this...? Are we...? Are you leaving me?" Blaine's voice was dripping with the tears that were rolling down his face.

Kurt snuffled and wiped his face with the back of his sleeve, "I don't know."

Blaine's head snapped up, and Kurt could see a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes. It was hardly there, but it was enough. For now.

"When will you?"

"Tonight," Kurt whispered, trying desperately latch himself onto that small hope deep in Blaine's eyes.

"What are you going to do Kurt?"

This was the part he had been dreading most of all. Having to tell Blaine what he was going to have to do to figure out his feelings once and for all. It was going to kill him. It was going to kill both of them...

"P-Please," Kurt couldn't hold back the choking sobs any longer, "please d-don't make me say it."

Blaine's jaw clenched, as his hands curled into fists. Kurt watched something dark cross over Blaine's eyes, before it left just as quickly as it had come. Then all of his muscles sagged, like it was too much effort for him to hold himself up anymore. Kurt felt like he could feel individual parts of his heart curling and dying inside of him.

"Who?" Blaine's voice was hardly audible now. "You have to at least tell me who."

Kurt swallowed around the lump in his throat painfully before saying, "The only person I know who won't care how much this hurt's either one of us as long as he gets what he wants."

Nodding once, Blaine looked like he had been expecting that answer. Kurt knew he didn't have to get any more specific. It was obvious to the both of them. "I knew I should have punched him when I had the chance," Blaine mumbled under his breath.

Surprised breathy laughter bubbled out of Kurt's lips, leave it to Blaine to make him smile when his whole world was falling apart. "It's not his fault, don't blame him. This is my fault. I caused all of this, starting seven years ago when I never gave you a chance to explain."

Both men allowed themselves a few moments to think what could have been. They could have been together, right now, and for the past years. They could have a family by now, and Kurt knew they probably would have. Blaine would have never given up on his music and Kurt still would have become the designer he was today. But they would have done it together.

"We both made mistakes," Blaine said finally, "neither one of us is more to blame."

Kurt nodded in agreement, the tears on his face were dry even though every few minutes a new one would come and wet his cheek again. This is what he had come here to do, to tell Blaine his plan. It was the least he could do after all the pain he had caused in Blaine's life. And all the pain he was about to.

Shifting his weight to the other foot, Kurt tried to come up with a way to leave. What made it so hard, was that he really didn't want to. He wished he could stay here with Blaine forever and never have to worry a single minute of the day again. Kurt was terrified of what he was going to find out. His hands were already shaking just at the thought of what could go wrong, what he could realize.

"I should- I should get going," a wave of fresh tears started down his face as he took a step towards the door.

"No! Kurt wait! I could...we could..." Blaine was begging with his eyes, "Couldn't we try to at least, figure it out, using me instead?"

"Blaine," Kurt said softly smiling through his tears and meet Blaine's own, "I can't. Don't you see that I don't want to simply use you. I wouldn't be able to figure anything out if it were you, and we would still be here."

Nodding slowly Kurt could see that Blaine had been expecting that answer, but he couldn't blame him for trying. That had been Kurt's first thought, was Blaine. It didn't take him long to realize that it wouldn't solve anything. All it would do was make Kurt feel more guilty and make this whole thing worse.

"You don't have to do this you know. I'll wait for you, for as long as you want me to. I will wait for you," Blaine pleaded, voice low, tears dancing on his eyelashes.

"Oh Blaine," Kurt sobbed, his whole body now heaving with the force of them. He shut his eyes as the tears over took him so he didn't see it coming when strong hands were suddenly framing his face. Blaine's tear dampened lips were pushing against his, not taking no for an answer.

Kurt had been trying to avoid this happening because he didn't know if he was going to be able to leave once Blaine had kissed him. But that didn't matter anymore. All he could do was pour everything he had into that one kiss. Everything he was feeling. All of the pain, regret, and loss his heart was feeling was being eaten up by Blaine.

What hurt worse was feeling all of that coming from Blaine at the same time. His lips were working furiously, trying to convince Kurt to stay even if he couldn't do it with his words. Kurt could feel what was left of his heart shattering into a thousand different pieces because he could feel Blaine's breaking at the same time. Blaine was kissing him like he thought he would never get the chance to again and Kurt sobbed into the embrace when he realized that this really could be it.

Fisting his hands in Blaine's hair, Kurt brought him closer. His lips moving just as fast an intensely as Blaine's. Teeth were scraping over lips, occasionally clinking together. Kurt couldn't tell anymore if it was his tongue in Blaine's mouth or Blaine's in his. They were both panting harshly into the others mouth during the few seconds that their lips would stop moving. But it didn't matter anymore. When they broke this kiss neither one of them knew what was going to happen next.

"You come back to me," Blaine growled against Kurt's lips, "You hear me, come back. You have to come back to me."

Whimpering, Kurt just kissed back harder, hands yanking on Blaine's hair. Letting himself go and just feel this last time. Blaine's lips were fire on his, every movement, a new hotter inferno. His whole body was humming with desire as he went up in flames under Blaine's hands. If Kurt didn't stop this he was going to stand here and burn forever.

It was great pain and strength at Kurt finally wrenched his lips away from Blaine's. Both men stood panting as they looked at each other but neither one of them went in for another kiss. The chance was over, they had allowed themselves that one last moment and they couldn't go back.

"I really have to go," Kurt sobbed as he walked backwards away from Blaine. This time Blaine didn't try to stop him, just simply watched as he walked away and Kurt's sobbing grew heavier. Kurt threw his body around and ran for the door, pulling it open as fast he could, he had to leave, he couldn't stay here any longer.

"Kurt!"

He turned to meet Blaine's eyes, his hand still on the door latch.

"If you- If you don't want to come back. I'll be gone. Forever. I won't come back again." Blaine was crying just as hard as Kurt was, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, knees bent like he just didn't have the strength to hold himself up anymore.

Kurt's sobs turned vocal as he nodded, "I know."

"I'll be gone if you don't come back tonight. I won't be able to stay."

Nodding quickly he allowed himself one more look at the man that had changed everything through watery vision before turning and running out the door.

Kurt kept running until his feet hit the pavement outside of the building. His eyes still had tears running out of them and he just stood there for a moment, not thinking and not knowing what to do.

It took him several moments before he could even remember how to walk, but once he had use of his legs again he started walking as fast as he could away from the building. He had to get away. As fast as he could. So he kept walking, without seeing where he was going, the only thing in his mind was that look on Blaine's face as he ran out the door.

That look would haunt Kurt for the rest of his life. He knew that twenty years from now he would wake up, sweating and shaking, from the nightmare that he had just created. Only this was happening, right now, and he wasn't going to wake up. No matter how much he wished he could. Kurt had made this mess and it was time to deal with the consequences, so he just kept walking forward.

It took him longer than he would have thought to remember he still had things to do. What he had just done had been the worst thing he could have ever imagined having to do and now he had to do more of it. Kurt almost doubled over right there on the sidewalk with the pain from it. The only thing that kept him from it, was that small spark of hope that Kurt had seen in Blaine's eye. It was enough to keep him going, just for that one last flower of hope.

With great effort, Kurt stuck his arm out at the first taxi that whizzed by him, he thought it was going to keep going. But instead, it came to a screeching stop just a few paces in front of him. Kurt tried to not look at it like too much of a sign and opened the door and sat down. He quickly pulled out his cell phone and read the second address to the cab driver and it rushed forward.

He tried to use this time to calm his racing heart but every time he got it close to a normal tempo it would just start back up again. Instead he tried not to think. Not about what he had just done, or what he was about to do. But this didn't work either. Not only could Kurt not get that look on Blaine's face out of his head, but he couldn't get the kiss out either. Kurt had thought that the first time Blaine had kissed him, or the first time they had made love would be the most powerful thing that he would ever feel. He was wrong. Blaine kissing him, begging him not to leave, was the most powerful thing he had ever felt.

More tears started to trickle out of his closed eyes as he rested his head on the back of the seat. He could still feel the phantom touch of Blaine's hands on his face, strong but holding him like he was the most delicate piece of glass. Nobody but Blaine had ever held him that gently. And when Blaine had kissed him...Kurt never knew a human body could feel an emotion that intense.

The only thing that Kurt could take comfort in was rewinding through the past. Going through some of his favorite moments with Blaine. The first time they met, their first kiss, prom (both Senior and Junior), when Blaine had transferred to McKinley, overcoming things that had been thrown at them such as Sebastian and Chandler. Kurt even allowed himself to laugh a little at that. Blaine's comfort when he hadn't been accepted to NYADA, and encouragement to delve into fashion instead.

Kurt had almost reached a little peace inside himself when the taxi finally came to a stop outside a different apartment building. It was with shaking hands Kurt paid the driver and slowly climbed out of the backseat. He slammed the door behind him and winced when his last chance to go back took off. Holding back another set of tears he entered the building and as slow as he could, started up the three and a half flights.

Sadly, he didn't have any trouble remembering where this door was. When he had arrived here the last time he hadn't been under a haze of alcohol, even if he had left under one. It seemed like only seconds had passed when he got to the top of the stairs. Lingering there, he tried to prepare himself for what was about to happen. He didn't know how far things would go, or how much it would take for him to know. The only thing that he was sure of, was this was the only way to finally figure out his feelings and his future with Blaine once and for all.

He really didn't want to have to do this. Especially with the man who lived in the apartment that was now right in front of him. But no matter what it was going to come down to this. Even if, by some sort of miracle that tiny glimmer of hope started to burn as bright as the sun, this still needed taken care of. It didn't cheer Kurt up any when he realized he was killing two birds with one stone, so to speak.

Blinking away the new tears that were forming behind his eyes and swallowing around the lump that seemed to have taken permanent residence in his throat, he walked forward. Too quickly the distance to the door was covered and he was standing directly in front of it. Raising his chin with his fist and biting his tongue, he brought his hand down on the door.

As he stood there, he heard slamming around from inside the apartment. Kurt knew he would be home, but hearing it confirmed made his body start to shake a little. Swallowing, again Kurt wondered if he had time to leave, he could just turn around right now and run away. Run back to Blaine. He was just starting to move, to turn around and run, when the door opened with a loud bang.

"Kurt?" Bill looked at him with confusion written across his face. He had on a pair of dark wash jeans and unbuttoned white button up. Kurt grimaced at seeing his bare chest, the reality of the situation finally sinking in.

"Hi Bill," Kurt said timidly and immediately gave himself a mental shake. If this was going to work he had to make Bill think he had changed his mind. If Bill knew this would do anything to maybe help him and Blaine then it wasn't going to happen. Kurt had to lie.

Standing his ground when all he wanted to do was turn and run away, Kurt watched as Bill's face turned from confused to smug. It didn't take very long for a sly smile to come across his features and for him to cross his arms. Bill leaned against the doorframe, pouring out arrogance. Kurt's stomach rolled again, he really did not want to have to sleep with this man. But he had to know...

"So you finally wised up and left the hobbit, huh? Ready for a real man Kurt?" Bill drawled, overconfidence oozing out of his pores. On any other day Kurt would have gladly put him in his place, but tonight...

"That's right," he fought to keep his voice steady, "care to show me what all the fuss is about?" He desperately hoped when he quirked his eyebrow his face didn't show how disgusted he felt.

"I was beginning to think you would never ask babe," Bill's voice cut through him like a knife. The pain in his chest was too much for him to be able to form another sentence. Instead he closed the distance between himself and Bill and brought his lips to the taller man's.

As Kurt had assumed, it did not take long before Bill was responding. His hands latched themselves around Kurt's slim waist and he was tugging Kurt into the apartment, lips still connected. Even though Kurt felt rooted to the spot he allowed himself to be moved, following Bill inside.

The door slammed heavily behind them and as soon it was shut, Bill quite literately threw Kurt's body against it. Kurt's head banged against the hard wood and he wrenched his lips off of Bill's to whimper at the pain that was blooming from the back of his head. Bill didn't seem to take notice, seeming to think the whimper was one out of pleasure and had instantly brought his lips to Kurt's once more.

Returning the kiss, Kurt tried to let himself go and get lost in just the sensations running through his body. Bill was pressed up hard against him and every few minutes his hips would move just a little bit. Kurt had had one night stands before, and he knew the action should make him feel sexy and turn him on but it just...wasn't. He just kind of wished that Bill would stop but then he would accomplish nothing.

Instead Kurt stood there and let Bill go, even though Bill was being too rough with him. He never minded when Blaine would let go a bit, but it had always been done with so much care. Blaine would never push too far and the instant he thought he had he would immediately back off and it would take Kurt a long time to calm him down enough so they could continue. Kurt knew Blaine would never do...this.

Trying to shake the thoughts of Blaine out of his head, Kurt kissed Bill back harder. He thought maybe he could force a reaction out of himself. Responding in earnest, Bill started forcing his tongue into Kurt's mouth and whining in the back of his throat. Kurt allowed the muscle to move too quickly through is mouth before trying to get his own into the other. Bill didn't allow it though, quickly fighting for dominance again.

Kurt still didn't fight Bill. He was too drained to keep fighting. It was just easier to let Bill go that way he didn't have to think too much about what was happening, what he was doing to himself, and to Blaine. Tears burned under Kurt's closed eye and Bill, oblivious, didn't stop kissing him hungrily.

He wished desperately that he would stop thinking about Blaine, all that was doing was making this whole ordeal that much more difficult. Kurt knew he needed to get a reaction out of himself, something. His hands had been hanging by his sides the whole time and he finally moved them to tangle into Bill's hair, tugging on it softly.

"Yes," Bill moaned out against his lips. Kurt waited for the spark of arousal to flare through him at the sound, but it never came. Why wasn't this working?

Bill's teeth were now scraping over Kurt's lips and Kurt just shifted his weight to the other foot. Silently he wondered if Bill could tell how uninterested he was or if he just didn't care now that he finally had what he wanted. Kurt's skin crawled at the thought, realizing just how disgusting the man who now had shoved his tongue down Kurt's throat again really was.

Silently, Kurt wondered again why nothing was getting a response out of him. Was it just because it was Bill? But he had responded to Bill's touches before...what if... Kurt nibbled lightly on Bill's bottom lip and was happy to hear the gasp that it created but it still didn't do anything for him. He licked over the area softly and Bill's body pressed harder into Kurt's. Bill's hips were moving with more force now and Kurt was still no more aroused from when he first kissed him.

Continuing to let Bill shallowly thrust against him and it didn't seem like long until Kurt felt cold hands working their way under the back of his shirt. Kurt yelped and try to move away from the unexpected touch. But once again, Bill seemed to take this as encouragement and kissed Kurt harder, faster. Finally though, something seemed to click in Kurt's head. Realizing why nothing was working and what this meant.

Yanking his mouth away from Bill's he stood panting head rushing around in circles. This was wrong. Inside his mind, Kurt's world seemed to shift as Bill's lips were now trailing over the scar on his neck. This was something that had taken Kurt months to allow even Blaine to do, it being so sensitive and making him feel vulnerable. Kurt brought his hands down from Bill's hair and dug his nails into his shoulders, hard, trying to get him to stop.

"Come on, Kurt," Bill panted into his ear, "you were so into this just a few minutes ago. Just lean back and let a real man take care of you."

"No," Kurt whispered. This was wrong. And not because it was Bill. It would be wrong with anyone. Anyone except for one person... Kurt could feel the puzzle pieces clicking together.

"Get your filthy hands off of me," he growled, low in the back of his throat. This had to end. Right now. Because he was in lov- But Bill wasn't moving his hands. Just making a tut tut noise in his ear.

"What if I don't want to Kurt?"

That was it. Kurt's hands moved from Bill's shoulders and he pressed them to the bare skin of his stomach. Bill's breathing hitched but then Kurt was digging his short nails into the skin, hard. Shoving Bill's body away from him at the same time.

Bill was now a few feet away and staring at Kurt with a look of shock and disgust. Kurt didn't care, he felt like he was floating. How could he have been so stupid? All this time he had always known what he really felt, he had always just been too scared to admit it. A small burst of relieved and giddy laughter bubbled to his lips.

"Why are you laughing?" Bill's voice was thick with anger and it just made Kurt laugh harder. Kurt knew he was close to hysterics but what else was he supposed to do? He had just realized what he had came here for. But instead of this ending in pain and heartbreak, his heart was soaring.

"Because," he got out through his giggles, "I'm in love with Blaine."